11.2.10

A Year In The Life: 11 February


Election fever is upon us and this is what I saw on EDSA (major road in Metro Manila) yesterday morning. This guy is campaigning for a media and showbusiness party list organization.

Nice gimmick!

10.2.10

A Year In The Life: 10 February


Scout, having difficulty chewing this piece of banana but refusing to set it down, lest Ginger or her humans take it away from her. She had this in her mouth that way for a good 15 minutes. Hahaha! Finally she got tired, slumped down and set the banana on the floor. That's when she was able to finally chew it into small pieces and enjoy it. Hmmm... there's a life lesson there somewhere.

9.2.10

You And Me (Dave Matthews Band)

Wanna pack your bags, Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes (x2) 




One night last week, I think we were driving home, this song came up on the iPod. C shared that on our second pregnancy, before we found out that it wasn't going to progress, he would listen to this song every morning and dream about the two of us and our baby/babies. But when we got the sad news, he stopped listening to the song.

I got weepy when he shared that. I had no idea he was that attached to the baby that early.

Tomorrow they'll extract blood from me and next week we'll find out if my "acceptance level" has gone up and we can try for baby number 3. Please pray with us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

8.2.10

What I Learned From This Beach Trip

I came from a weekend beach trip with some girl friends. We've been friends for so long but this is the first time we've gone on an all-girls trip. We had to book and pay a month in advance to make sure this trip pushed through.

As we made a supposedly 3-hour drive into a 6-hour one (because we got lost, refused to ask for directions and just basically goofed around), I thought to myself what a gift it is to have friends you can completely be yourself with. We laughed easily at the same things, didn't mind silent stretches and knew a lot about one another that we didn't have much explaining to do when we told stories. I could trust these girls with my life.

One sour note though (for me, at least) is how we women can focus so much on our physical flaws. That is particularly most evident on a beach trip. As soon as we changed into our swimsuits, all I could hear was different variations of "I'm so fat".

I don't mean to say I am exempt from feeling fat and complaining about it. The truth is, I am still getting used to the several pounds I've gained since I got pregnant and since I stopped running. There is that practical side of not being able to use a lot of my old clothes. That thing depresses me, I must admit.

But I think it's sad when we focus on our weight too much. We women are so good at putting ourselves down.

I wish we can just learn to be comfortable with whatever weight we are in at the moment. And if we aren't, to stop complaining about it too much and instead do something. No use pinching the parts that hang out of bikini bottoms. Live with them for the moment and make up your mind not to starve yourself but to exercise and eat sensibly. If that is what you want.

I think what's important is that we're healthy. A few pounds ago, I wouldn't have had the credibility to talk about this. But now that I'm more rotund (isn't that word so nice?), I realize how unhealthy it is to keep putting myself down each time I look at myself in the mirror or each time I can't button up a pair of jeans.

A friend of mine said a long time ago that when you feel uncomfortable (because you're self-conscious), you make the people around you feel unpleasant. And that if you're just relaxed and not self-conscious, you make people feel relaxed and good. I think I'd like to be the kind of person that makes people feel relaxed and good, at whatever weight or shape I'm in. :)

A Year In The Life: 8 February



Very late Christmas gift from a former workmate and good friend. It's my little "client call" kit, complete with scissors, tape measure and little notebook. Thank you so much! :D

5.2.10

Time Off

OFF TO THE BEACH! (really wide smile here)

See you on Monday! Have a great weekend, everyone! Give thanks for the Lord is good and worthy to be praised. :)

4.2.10

A Day In The Life: 4 February


The tree in the middle of the highway. I love this tree. I see it almost everyday. It just thrives on that spot. A refreshing spot of green on an otherwise all-gray expanse.

3.2.10

Fashion Fix

Every morning I bring up my coffee and open the computer.

I check emails, Facebook then settle down to scan new posts on The Sartorialist and Caroline's Mode. I get inspired and revved up looking at these two sites.

Check this out:

 

From Alexander Wang's S/S collection. Just took my breath away. 
Now I can shower and get dressed. Haha.

A Year In The Life: 3 February

 

My current favorite fix: OPI Red nails. I rarely have manicures (pedicures I have more regularly) because the nail polish gets ruined too soon. I scratch, pick on tape, fiddle with stuff in the kitchen... But I just had to have these on my hands too. To me, this is the perfect red. 

2.2.10

LIT (Second session)

It's only Tuesday and Saturday seems sooo very far away.

30 January, Saturday

We went to Manila Endocrine Laboratory again in the morning. Got there around 830am and there was a long line already. Not all for LIT though. Some getting blood drawn to test allergies or congenital diseases.

C didn't feel as clammy as last week when they got 12 vials. A veteran on the second try.

We met Eunice and Alvin, a couple with the same lymphocyte autoimmune issue as ours. Eunice was just starting on LIT that Saturday. She's pregnant now so they're trying to "catch up". Praying everything will go well. That evening she sent me text saying her ultrasound showed her baby's heartbeat! Awwww....

Got my shots at St. Luke's around 6pm. A bit more painful than the first round but still tolerable. C took pictures of me with Dr. Aleta. Will post when he sends them to me.

31 January, Sunday

We decided to stay close to home so I won't get too tired or stressed. Also I decided not to take a bath (sorry if this grosses you out) because it really stresses me out, keeping the bandaged arm dry. We watched the first screening of The Blind Side, had lunch at Cibo and after buying some groceries, went home. I took an hour-long nap and was happy that the injection spots felt very itchy. Swelling and itchiness are good signs that the therapy is working.

Despite having a late afternoon nap, I felt so sleepy so early in the evening and was knocked down at 10pm (that is very early for me).

1 February, Monday

After taking care of some work stuff, I went to the St. Francis Natural Health Care Center on Panay Avenue for my first try at acupuncture.

I was apprehensive at first but I had prayed about this and soon enough I was calm and ready to try it out. Sister Regina Liu looked very kind and calm as she slipped in and out of seven cubicles with a very spartan but clean setup.

I was made to fill out a 3-page questionnaire on my medical history.

The line was long, consisting mostly of older people. The air smelled of leaves burning. I kept wondering if the smell came from outside.

Finally it was my turn. Sister Liu asked about the doctor's diagnosis, asked about my period (if I felt any pains), asked how many LIT I've had, etc. She kept on scribbling and only looked up in amazement when I told her we got pregnant naturally. A lot of people come to her to be treated of infertility. And few people really believe us when we tell them we had really been trying very hard NOT to get pregnant for the past 10 years. Haha.

She was very pleased to find out our two pregnancies happened naturally. I'm very pleased too.

I told her about my plan to get my blood test or LAT on February 8 so we can find out if we can start trying for a baby in mid-February. She suggested I have acupuncture sessions twice a week. I wanted to ask her so many things but felt bad for the long line waiting outside.

She asked me to lie down and proceeded to put needles on my forehead, tummy, knees and feet. There's a slight pinch at the start but you don't feel the needles at all when they're in.

An assistant put a small cork-like incense on the middle needle on my tummy and lighted it. Now I understood what the burning leaves smell was. As the smoke blew towards my face, I didn't know what to do. Should I inhale? I blew on the smoke so it would change direction. Haha. I worried too that the embers would fall on me and I'd be screaming in pain and causing a scene. Good thing I lifted my head a bit and saw that they put foil under the incense, to catch the ash. Whew.

When the incense had burned out, the assistant came back to put another one and I asked her what it was for. She said it's chinese herbs for better circulation. Ok. Good, good.

The needles were in me for maybe 30 minutes. I'm going to be back there on Thursday.

Throughout the day the injection spots were horribly itchy. Yehey! I was thinking maybe the acupuncture helped a bit too.

That night, we had dinner with a friend who was going through IUI (intra-uterine injections) to get pregnant and after talking about our LIT sessions and acupuncture, I asked: so if this works, who gets the credit? C smartly replied: God!! Amen! Thank you Lord for that reminder. You send us people to help us, You give us wisdom in deciding what steps to take, You provide financially and You buoy our hopes. You alone deserve the credit!

When we got home, we took out the bandage and were so elated that the spots were more swollen than the previous shots. Itchier too. :)

Next steps: acupuncture on Thursday, LAT on Friday or Monday. I dreamed last night that I had my LAT and the percentage had risen from just 4% to 77.5%. We are hoping for at least 80%.

A Year In The Life: 2 February

 

Swatches of 56" width super fine cotton satin. Great for breezy tops, skirts or dresses. Crisp and light. I'm loving navy and mustard. Come, let's make stuff for summer!

1.2.10

A Year In The Life: 1 February

Crazy Mix

Something I'd wear to an evening movie. :)

31.1.10

A Year In The Life: 31 January


Sunset sky from the Ortigas-C5 flyover.

30.1.10

A Year In The Life: 30 January


Super duper OLD Levi's 501. My favorite jeans in my closet. The holes have become so huge I've been contemplating on cutting them up and turning them into shorts. But I just can't. The fit is just so right. Although I kinda feel store security follow me around when I'm wearing this pair. I look like a homeless person. Haha.

29.1.10

A Year In The Life: 29 January

A friend of mine started a photo album on Facebook called A Year In The Life. One photo per day for the whole year.

It's a month late but today's as good as any day to start.

 

This is our little veranda. Those two chairs were bought from carabao-pulled carts. We've always had a soft spot for those carts and we thought we'd support them by buying wood stuff from them. 

This veranda is where we go when there's a cool breeze. Sometimes we have dinner there. There was one time we got locked out and we had no house help yet and all the neighbors were asleep. C had to ram through the door. Destroyed the lock and split some wood. Hahaha. 

The fabric for the printed curtains were bought at such a bargain on Ilaya in Divisoria. It's flimsy enough to let the breeze through and yet substantial enough to afford us some privacy.

28.1.10

LIT (first session)

What you notice is that the couples here are kind to one another. They sit closely together and talk to each other in low tones.

We all want babies. Some are being treated for infertility while others like us are being treated for autoimmune causes for repeated pregnancy loss.

The guy bearing vials of lymphocytes arrives three hours late.

There are no screaming complaints here. Only silent and patient waiting.

23 January, 8am

We walk from PGH to this house on Pedro Gil. It's where the Manila Endocrine Laboratory is. There are maybe five couples ahead of us in the line. There are only a few laboratories who can do this procedure. If you have the "extraction" at St. Luke's it'll cost almost double.






C seems anxious. Haha. He hates needles. Childhood phobia, I guess.

They extract 12 vials of blood from him. It's a very quick procedure. We are told to go to St. Luke's at 5pm for the lymphocyte shots.


10 more to go!


After doing some errands we go home and have time to eat and nap.

5pm

C drops me off at the hospital lobby. As I wait for the elevator, I hear a girl asking the guard for directions to Dr. Aleta's office. I sneak a peek. She looks younger than me.

The girl and her husband ride the elevator with me to the 15th floor. I step out of the elevator quickly and almost dash to the doctor's clinic so I can be ahead of them in the line. Hahaha. It turns out I'm 7th and they're 8th and last.


15th floor


The receptionist informs us that the vials have not yet arrived. We had time for a snack. After talking to the doctor and discussing schedules (number of sessions we can squeeze in before I ovulate), we step out and grab chicken hotdogs. Yummy.

Back outside the doctor's office. Everyone's quiet. A girl who has been reading a pocketbook takes a call and everyone in that corridor now knows that she had just flown in from Cebu for the procedure and she had an 830pm flight to catch. It was already 6pm.


lonely, empty side of the corridor


The guy from the lab finally arrives (I remember his face from our stop at the lab that morning) and everyone heaves a huge sigh of relief. Even the doctor inside.

The girl from Cebu asks the girl ahead of her if she can go first. Girl "first on the list" obliges. When girl from Cebu steps out, other girls wish her good luck.

All the girls who come out of the clinic are given nods and smiles. It's a community of women (and men) who know all the trouble (not to mention expense) each has to go through.

Our turn comes. The doctor hands us a photocopy of a part of an article published in the American Journal of Medicine, on the safety of intradermal lymphocyte immunotherapy. She co-wrote the paper. We are thoroughly impressed and trust her a hundred percent.

Of the 12 vials of blood taken from C, the lymphocytes extracted fill only maybe 1/8 of a vial. I can imagine the laborious process of extracting it.

C looks worried again as the doctor preps my arm and the needle. I decide to look when the shots are administered. I usually look away when they draw blood from me. It's a slight prick. Not so bad. What does hurt is when the liquid is injected into the skin. You see the skin bubble up as the spot fills up with the lymphocytes.

Two shots and the doctor wraps my forearm with bandage. My arm feels heavy. The doctor warns me that injection spots may itch or hurt. A good sign, she says. They will also bruise, like insect bites. The bandage can be taken off after 48 hours. It cannot get wet.

Before I had the shots I was feeling under the weather. I had the car aircon fixed the day before and the heat must've gotten to me.

That night, after attending to a client fitting, I got chills and a slight fever. But I was soooo cold I had to wear pajamas, socks, a bonnet and even hiking gloves! I felt awful and even more awful because I worried the shots won't work if I had fever.


hamming it up despite feeling horrible

I took paracetamol and the fever subsided. I slowly shed the layers I was wearing and fell asleep soundly.

24 January

So difficult to shower! C had to wrap my arm in plastic and seal it with packaging tape. Haha.

I was a bit worried because the injection spots didn't feel as itchy as other girls described. But what could I do?

25 January

Finally in the evening we took out the bandage and saw the two red marks on my arm. The injection spots felt itchy but not as itchy as I expected.







I still felt under the weather.

26 January

I texted the doctor and asked if I should push through with the injections on Saturday, since I was still feeling under the weather. She said to up my dosage of Conzace (vit A, C, E and Zinc) to 3x a day and we'll see Friday how I'm feeling.

Someone suggested we try acupuncture. A friend of a friend had the same problem (recurring pregnancy loss) and she saw the top immunologist in the country (who charges an arm and a leg, so they say) and that didn't work. She went to the top US doctors and still had no success. She finally went to see the acupuncturist Regina Liu (9th generation practitioner) and after the second session got pregnant. Now she has a healthy 2-year old and is pregnant again!

I got so confused and worried again. What to do? Bottomline is I don't want the heartache of another miscarriage.

I called the acupuncturist's office to set an appointment and found out that the rates are so affordable! P600 for consultation and P600 per acupuncture session. I was so tempted to ditch the western approach for this cheaper and highly recommended option.

C decided we will combine the two. What a wise guy. Haha.

27 January

I feel much better. The heavy feeling is gone. The two raised points on my arm are still slightly raised and red but has subsided substantially.

I think I'm ready for LIT second session.

26.1.10

LITtle Steps

Will write a proper post about this (with pictures and all) but just an update for now.

We had our first lymphocyte immunotherapy (LIT) last Saturday.

C and I went to this medical laboratory on Pedro Gil at around 8am. We were already the fifth in line. They extracted 12 vials of blood from C and we were told to go to St. Luke's in the afternoon for my shots of C's lymphocytes.

The immunologist told us to be at St. Luke's at 5pm. When we got there, we were 7th in a list of 8 patients. I rushed out of the elevator and walked fast to the clinic when I sensed that the couple in the elevator with me were LIT patients too. Haha.

The precious vials arrived in St. Luke's at around 720pm. Some of the girls in line had been there since 2pm. Two girls had just flown in from the province for the LIT and one of them was trying to catch an 830pm flight. I wonder if she made it.

The doctor showed us the small vial of lymphocytes. All that blood and just this much lymphocytes. The doctor then injected the lymphocytes into my skin at two spots and wrapped my forearm in bandage. Not to be taken off for 48 hours.

We removed the bandage last night and I still have two swollen red marks on my forearm. They're a bit itchy but not the horrible itchy some girls describe.

Saturday night I had chills and fever. Took paracetamol to lower the temp. Thank God it worked. But I'm still worried that the fever made the LIT not as effective. :(

I still feel under the weather today and I sent the doctor a text asking if it's okay to proceed with our next LIT this Saturday. She told me to take ConZace 3x a day and we'll see on Friday if things improve. I pray my body will recover fast and I will be fit enough to have the next shots on Saturday.

That's it for now. Will post pictures soon.

22.1.10

Pre-LIT

It was C's birthday yesterday. We had quite a productive day. We went to PGH to have his blood extracted for the screening (checking if he has HIV, Hepa, Malaria and other stuff he might pass on to me when they inject me with his lymphocytes).

I thank God for the good people we have been meeting. The staff at PGH are soooo kind and helpful. It is almost unbelievable, in this land of government offices with really bitchy and power-tripping employees.

Reggie (the guy for all LIT-related stuff) met C at the lobby while I waited in line for parking. I didn't even have to park as the procedure was so quick. Reggie brought C back to the lobby where I met them. He's a thin guy, with light skin and kind eyes. He was very encouraging. "Wag ka mag-alala, next year may bingyagan na tayong pupuntahan!" (Don't worry, next year we'll be going to a child's christening!)

This afternoon I asked about the results and he said they haven't been forwarded to him yet. He will request for a fax of the results tomorrow morning, just in time for the extraction of 12 vials of C's blood. They will isolate the lymphocytes and inject those to my forearm (skin level) tomorrow afternoon in St. Luke's.

I am excited and at the same time anxious. Praying my body will cooperate and "befriend" C's lymphocytes. :)

21.1.10

Happy Birthday, C!



Happy birthday to the sunniest, sweetest and awesomest person I know!

20.1.10

Life, Interrupted

I just woke up from a nap.

You know those days when you can't piece things together (schedules, people, your hair, etc.) and the only productive thing you can do is nap? Well I was having one of those days.

I just wrote about the procedure we need to go through to get a crack at having a healthy, full-term pregnancy. While writing that, I was making calls to clients and trying to help C get in touch with the guy who knows where he can get his blood screened. While I was doing all these things I was also trying to figure out what schedule we should take for the procedures.

We have to schedule our LIT (lymphocyte immunotherapy) around the time I would ovulate. All this scheduling is starting to get to me. Thank God my cycle is very regular. I can imagine how more difficult this would be for women who have irregular cycles! That's when you have to go through periodic ultrasounds for follicle monitoring... Argh. So many terms, so many considerations!

Now making a baby isn't just about being in the mood.

When I think about it now I start to worry. What if the therapy doesn't work. Such an expensive process and then nothing.

I have to constantly remind myself (like every hour) that God is in charge.

We can do our part... go through the therapy, schedule our lives, etc. but ultimately He decides what is best and when it's best.

A Different Kind of LIT

Lymphocyte immunotherapy. LIT.

This is what we will be going through to address our repeated pregnancy loss.

In simple terms, my body is perfectly healthy. It's just that I only ''recognize'' 4% of the other types of blood or tissue out there. Something like that. The doctor showed us a chart and one column had 4% on it when she said it should be at least 80% if we want our next pregnancy to carry to full-term.

I asked the doctor if this was hereditary. She said no and that it's just the ''luck of the draw''. Had I married someone else, this may not even be an issue. Haha. So I was telling C that maybe to make things less complicated and less expensive, we can just find new spouses. Hahaha!

In the distant future, these kinds of things may influence dating as we know it now. Maybe people will be carrying some kind of mini blood testing kit to see if they are a good match. Hahaha.

I'm going to share things about this journey, in case someone who needs info stumbles upon this blog. How I wish someone had shared this information with me when I had my first miscarriage.

A brief backgrounder. We've been married 10 years now. It's been a really good ride and we really pushed back having kids because we felt we weren't ready yet. 2010 was the year we were going to stop trying NOT to get pregnant. But in March 2009, I got lazy in keeping my BBT (basal body temperature) chart and we got pregnant. It was a shock and initially I felt devastated. But a baby is just difficult not to love, even when it's just a tiny speck in your tummy. I fell in love with the little spot on the ultrasound. We miscarried in May and were told to just try again. That miscarriages happen to almost 50% of first pregnancies.

So try again we did. We got pregnant again in October and miscarried in December. It was devastating. Then our OB recommended we see an immunologist, to see why my body was terminating the pregnancy.

I already had a feeling that something was wrong with my immune system because it seemed to be getting better at ''catching'' the pregnancy early on. Why so? In our first pregnancy, the ultrasound showed a gestational sac and a yolk sac. 2 of the 3 things doctors expect to find in a healthy, early pregnancy. With the second, there was only the gestational sac. I imagined my antibodies going: "Oh hey here comes that thing again. We saw that a couple of months, remember? Let's get it now while it's early!" Whereas in the first pregnancy they were still forming committees and evaluating if the "foreign object" was friend or foe. With the second, they knew right away and took action quickly.

I was right with my hunch.

We went to see the immunologist right before Christmas. She ordered a long list of blood tests. We had already done some research and found out that the tests were cheapest at the Philippine General Hospital (PGH). I started following a discussion on a female forum and all the girls there were recommending taking the tests at PGH.

The PGH Medical Research Laboratory was closed for the holidays so we had to wait till January to get our tests done. We went there one weekday last week and paid P12K for all the tests, including the one for Autoimmune Phospholipid Syndrome (APAS) and Lymphocyte Antibody Test (LAT). We went on a Monday for my blood extraction and got the results on Friday. The people at PGH-MRL are some of the kindest hospital staff I've ever encountered.

We went back to the immunologist last Saturday and she said I don't have APAS (the most common immune problem I've been hearing of) but my LAT shows that I have low recognition of C's tissue, thus the repeated pregnancy loss.

Our next step is LIT, to get my body to accept C's tissue. According to the immunologist, statistically, after four sessions of LIT, the body responds well and the percentage increases to at least 80% and it's safe to try getting pregnant again.

LIT involves extracting blood from the husband. The lab then extracts his lymphocytes or white blood cells from this. The lymphocyte is what the immunologist will now inject into the wife (skin level, like a patch test).

Our next step is a blood screening for C. To make sure he doesn't have diseases that he can transfer to me. The list is long again, like HIV, hepatitis and even malaria. We went to St. Luke's for the screening but were turned off by the cost of the screening. It's P6K plus. We will check with PGH if there is another lab that can do the screen for less. PGH does it for free but only for people donating blood to patients there. C joked that maybe he should donate blood to get the screen for free. Hahaha.

I forgot to mention that each LIT session costs P14K. It can be done weekly, bi-weekly or monthly. Depends on how urgently you want to get pregnant, I guess. After several sessions, you can get another LAT or blood test to determine if your body has responded well and you are okay to get pregnant again.

We are thinking of having our first two LIT sessions this Saturday and the next. We need to skip the first Saturday in February because I'll be at the beach with friends (heehee) and you can't get the injection spot wet for 48hrs after. But we're also considering doing the every other week schedule which means we'll wait till next Saturday to start with the LIT. Will keep you posted on what we decide.

I hope this will be of some help to another woman going through the same thing.

We are quite upbeat and hopeful. We praise God for the doctors and people who have been very helpful. Also for the resources that He provides. We will do our part and leave the rest to God.

8.1.10

You Are What You Read?



The father of my bestfriend once told her to take a look at the things she reads and see what most of them are about. According to him, what you read is what you are most passionate about.

What a surprise it was for her, a political science professor by training, to discover that her books on church and ministry, specifically counseling, far outnumbered her books on political science. It was a clear sign for her that she needed to rethink what she was pursuing and maybe finally get on with pursuing what she constantly thinks (and reads) of.

I went shopping with a friend this afternoon. Actually she did most of the shopping while I hung around, fiddling with details on some clothes, making mental notes of what I can do in the future. It's end of season sale and there were just so many things to look at.

I really didn't feel like buying anything. Nothing really spoke to me. Some things whispered but not enough to make me want to leave the store with them.

What I finally bought was this back issue of Vogue Espana. What caught my eye was the black and white cover featuring Lauren Hutton. I love her. I wish I can grow old as gracefully as her.

I couldn't care less if I wouldn't understand the copy in the magazine, except if the words beber and agua or casa and mi were involved. Just leafing through the magazine, looking at shots of Ms. Hutton and of beautiful dresses will be enough.

So going back to what my bestfriend's father said, I know with much certainty what it is I'm passionate about. If you come and visit, our house is littered with magazines and books on fashion (a lot of them gifts from people who truly know me!). And a lot of Jane Austen. :)

What is your passion?

6.1.10

Feeling Summer

It's summer in our little workshop.

I shopped for fabric during the holidays and decided to use tan, orange, navy and white for our summer stuff.

Today we are working on a polka dotted jersey mini skirt. Its base color is orange and the dots are fuchsia. I of course get to try out the sample. Sooo excited!

5.1.10

Green Pizza


We live far from where C works so we usually have dinner very late. Usually when our neighbors are all quiet and asleep. Haha.

It ain't so bad. I've learned to take my meals according to this schedule and I usually take snacks before dinner. I just had a handful of dry roasted peanuts and a packet of Raisinets. :)

Usually while I'm having a snack, I watch cooking shows like Giada's Everyday Italian. Why I do this is quite unclear to me.

I got to the TV earlier than usual and caught Martha. Got bored and found myself thinking of making pizza.

Not tonight though. I realize I don't own a rolling pin. I used to make pizza from scratch but that was a loooooong time ago when I was still single and living with my parents. They own the rolling pin. I should've brought it with me when I got married. Haha.

So I went online and searched for a pizza dough recipe that uses whole wheat flour (because that's what I have now). Found this interesting site. And this interesting recipe!

I have to try making this soon!

Happiness Is A Half-empty Supermarket

I'm typing this while riding a caffeine high from instant coffee. Woohoo!

I ran errands today and felt so blissful at many points.

I realize one of my happy places is the supermarket (specifically Landmark in Trinoma, which is just 15 minutes from our house) on a weekday afternoon. No crowds, no mad rush, no loud droning from the food court.

I had to buy fruits and toilet paper (what a combination) and as I walked down the long aisle leading to the grocery "gates", I felt like breaking into song and sliding on the shiny, newly waxed floor. Hahaha. Ang babaw (shallow).

Since I was already in the grocery, I decided to get some breakfast food. Since the holidays, we've become enamored with cold cuts dredged in sugar and fried. The chicken ham we buy was out of stock so I considered some chicken hotdogs. The things you discover when you are not rushed into buying things! Purefoods Chick'n Tasty hotdogs have beef and/or turkey meat!!! Waaahhh! I'm okay with the turkey but I DON'T EAT BEEF, Purefoods!!! How dare you delude us into thinking we were eating purely chicken?! Grrrr!!! Thank God Turkey SPAM is really made of turkey. Or so they say.

After buying groceries I went to the sewing supplies store and bought buttons for a coat, thread for a long-sleeved shirt, garter for a 2'' waistband, and an attachment for the sewing machine. The attachment was something I didn't think I'd get there. I was surprised too that it was very affordable. I felt a surge of joy when I held the attachment and paid for it. Let me explain.

I've been planning on making easy shirt dresses for summer. The kind you just pull over and wear as is or over shorts or as a belted mini dress. I always know how I want something to look. Most of the time though I'm quite clueless about how they get that way. Thankfully my sewer is old and wise and has many experiences tucked under her belt. However, when I showed her a kind of stitching I wanted, she was quite unsure as to how to do it. She was familiar with it but had not actually done it. She just knew there was an attachment that we needed to have for the machine.

When I bought the attachment this afternoon, I felt so encouraged because we were one step closer to making the shirt dress. It's just an attachment, I know. But that's how I look at goals/tasks. They come in many puzzle pieces and each piece and correct fit is precious and worth celebrating.

Going home the sky was littered with fat, fluffy, cottony clouds set against a blue blue sky. Oh how beautiful. So like a Peanuts comic strip. Haha.

So there. Just a happy day that started with an almost empty supermarket.

4.1.10

New Year, New Adventures

Many people I know are glad that 2009 is over. So many bad things happened last year (global recession, the super typhoons that hit the country and for me and C, our two miscarriages). I'm glad too for the new year and the chance to start over.

I read this today and feel even more invigorated about the things this year holds. This year will for me be about learning. I'm going to study patternmaking and hopefully sewing too. I realize I need to learn these two skills to become more effective as a designer. I need to know how to construct what I have envisioned. Even if I don't make the garment myself, I have to know how to guide the sewer in making it.

Aside from learning new things, I'm going to try to wake up earlier and sleep earlier. I promise this every year. I have to keep trying till the good sleep habits stick.

What else...

Ah yes, I will try my very best to get rid of more old stuff (C, if they don't get sold in the garage sale, we throw them out, okay?) and make more storage space.

Simple but tough goals I've set out to accomplish. Someone remind me to check in June how I'm doing with these things. :)

How about you, what are your 2010 goals?

25.12.09

A Truly Happy Christmas To You

May the truest meaning of Christmas dwell oh so sweetly in your hearts always!

Praise the Lord forever and ever!

18.12.09

Weight Gain Dressing and Anniversary


I dress a little bit this way lately. A tad more feminine but all loose this way. Not because I'm hip or anything but because I've gained weight from the pregnancy and nothing fits. Haha.

I think it's a good silhouette. And the nice thing about gaining weight is gaining some boobs too. Hahaha. Plus I guess the pregnancy hormones made my set a bit fuller. Yahoo. But only till the hormones subside.

I have a friend who I think just had a boob job and wow, she's got some knockers now. I don't think I'd ever go for that though. I find bigger boobs a bit heavy. It feels funny when they're bouncy. Hahaha. Sorry! Also I'm digressing.

It's our 10th wedding anniversary today and I woke up to a really touching long letter from C. Can't believe it's been 10 years.

It's been a really happy, laughter-filled 10 years! Happy anniversary, C! Here's to more adventures and funny moments. It's so good to be married to you. Yech, mush. Haha.

16.12.09

Crazy Mix

I love dressing up. It's one of the expense-free activities I cherish. Even when I just have to run errands, I try to have a little adventure in what I wear.

Here's a crazy mix I had on recently. A lilac metallic taffeta skirt (black reverse side used as a band on the hem), textured purple tights and leopard print ballet flats. Only a basic black tee for my top. Anything more than that would've driven C up the wall. Hahaha. With this outfit, I looked like Alice In Wonderland in a safari mood. Hahahahaha.



Note pair of black flats beside my feet. I always bring a "safety net", like shoes or jeans, in case I chicken out and decide to transform the outfit into something safe. Usually I don't touch the safety net. But it's good to know I have an option. :)

15.12.09

Wuxiang: A Resto Review

This little restaurant on Ibanez corner J. Abad Santos (near where Little Store is) in San Juan came highly recommended.

One late afternoon in between errands in Quezon City and Makati, we decided to have really late lunch at Wuxiang.

It's a little apartment with a very spartan setup. Nothing fancy here and if you're really picky, you might label the place tacky. Haha.

We came expecting just to be fed hot, good food.

We ordered their specialty: fried chicken. The food server suggested pairing it with plain rice (although we wanted to get fried rice) so we did. We also got black almond and white almond drinks.

Menu



Dining Area


I haven't seen a tissue holder like this since grade school!



Christmas Kitsch


You know you're safe when they put your spoons and forks in hot water. Teehee.


Fried Chicken!!!



White and Black Almond on a date


Half order of fried chicken (8 pieces) was overwhelming to look at but we finished it off. Slices are small and it tastes like something your grandma would cook at home. Generous on the batter and spices but I wish they had marinated the chicken longer.

Verdict: Yummy, especially when you are sooo hungry and want something familiar and comforting. Nothing life-changing but for the price (I think less than P300 for our meal, including drinks), not bad. Service is good and waitstaff is friendly. Dining area is clean and reminds me of our grade school cafeteria. :) We didn't try the washroom though.

Would I crave this next week? I doubt. Maybe next month. And maybe next time we'll pair the chicken with fried rice or their noodles. There are other stuff on the menu worth trying.

10.12.09

Shabu-shabu Christmas Party

It was so good to be out with friends. And I just LOVE shabu-shabu!

These are my friends from when I still joined bazaars.


Our spread:





Dessert afterwards (crepes and coffee!!!)





9.12.09

Night Out!

Haven't been on a night out without C for a loooong time!

Tonight is shabu-shabu night with friends. I'm so excited!!!

Still waiting for m/c to complete but the worst is over. I think. I hope. Praying the doc clears me this weekend. I wrote about it but decided it was too gruesome to publish. Let's just say it's the kind of pain that brings out your imaginary talons. Oh dear. Haha.

For now, I am thankful for the chance to go out, eat hot and yummy food and be with friends. Thank You, Lord for simple pleasures.

I am wearing a feathered headband to add to the celebration. :D

I Believe In Father Christmas

Despite all the commercial trappings, we can dig deep and see the most basic, and most touching meaning of Christmas.

This song feels to me like the first glass of cool water in the morning. You know how that feels. Enjoy and have a very meaningful CHRISTmas!

8.12.09

Status Update

Facebook status and Twitter tweet: MISCARRIAGE ROCKS!

hahahaha. yes, i love sarcasm. :)

7.12.09

Edge of Desire

A friend shared this link on Facebook and I'm sharing it with you. I think it's a beautiful song. And a nice Christmas treat. :)

Watercress Pesto

So we tried making watercress pesto last night. It was good, I must say. Milder than basil pesto. Sorry no pictures. We were so hungry and just completely forgot to document the experiment.

Here's the quick and easy recipe, if you'd like to try it:

Puree in the blender the following:

2 cups watercress (remove the thicker stalks)
Half cup pine nuts (I throw in some walnuts too)
2 Tbsp lemon juice

Slowly add around 6 Tbsp olive oil (add more if sauce is too thick) to the puree.

Add salt and pepper to taste and stir in grated parmesan (I use maybe a cup and a half as we are cheese people).

Will try to put the pesto on baguette slices next time. Yum!

6.12.09

Veg Out Weekend

Not that kind of vegging out though. Just got our order of organic vegetables last night and now I need to figure out how to cook them right away (in our experience, organic veggies wilt faster than regular, store-bought stuff... methinks it's the non-use of traditional pesticides and preservatives... yes!!!) and preserve them.

I'm making watercress pesto later. We'll just probably blanch the spinach for later use.

I'm excited about the watercress pesto. First time to use watercress for that. It's usually basil that we use. Next time I'll try spinach pesto. Can't wait!

Happy Sunday!

2.12.09

80s vs 70s

Finally. According to this post on Jak & Jill, fashion is returning to a softer, prettier mood.

I don't think I bought any clothes this year. Really. Well, I also have the benefit of having a sewer who can make me what I want. But that, and recession saving aside, I had absolutely no love for the clothes that were in stores this year.

Black, skinny, edgy, spikey. 80s bad girl.

I am sooooo glad that we're going back to pretty, soft and curvy. Yes!

1.12.09

The Lord's Plans

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

How many times have I heard that? It's an oft-quoted verse, in church, in bible studies, in greeting cards, on t-shirt prints...

It's easy to say one believes in that verse, but to believe in it wholeheartedly even when the plan is quite unclear (or not going according to how you think it should go) is a different and very difficult matter.

I've been quiet lately. With blogging and even Facebooking.

Usually when I'm quiet for a long stretch, it only means one of two things: I'm extremely busy or I'm extremely sad.

For a while, I was extremely busy. Then I became extremely sad.

I'm happy to say I'm still busy (thank You, Lord) but no longer extremely sad.

Right now, I am waiting to miscarry for the second time.

Yup, I got pregnant again. This time planned and much anticipated.

Our first home pregnancy test was positive right away. Early morning of October 7. I was due to have my period October 6. That is how regular my period is. A big blessing, when you want to get pregnant.

We were sooo happy. I couldn't go back to sleep after doing the hpt. I was already worrying about things I should eat, things I should stop doing, etc.

I had stopped running (first major sacrifice for me) the week I was due to ovulate. Didn't want to "shake up" the embryo. Hahaha.

When we confirmed the pregnancy, I started eating. A lot. A whole lot! I wanted to make sure I was providing enough nutrients to the baby.

I would talk to the baby (in my mind) when I'd take a shower, introducing it to warm water and cold water.

I slowed down considerably with driving. I became more patient and less prone to pushing the gas pedal too much.

We had to wait two weeks before we could go for ultrasound. Useless to have one too early.

It was a looong wait and we were filled with excitement and also fear. We were hoping this wouldn't turn out blighted like the first one. We felt it wouldn't be. For us, it was impossible to have another blighted ovum. The first one was too painful to bear already. Surely this one would have to be healthy.

The day for the ultrasound finally came and we were just beside ourselves with excitement. While the sonologist was preparing, I was already imagining the nurse calling in C so he could look at our little one on the ultrasound screen.

Then it happened again. Empty. Numerous previous ultrasounds have made me aware of what to look for on the screen. I knew right away. An empty gestational sac. It felt like I was sinking into a black hole. It felt horrible in a way that the word horrible can't ever begin to describe. In my mind I was tearing up the hospital sheets and pushing equipment violently to the floor. Funny now but horrible when I had all those strong emotions.

What followed was a few more weeks of waiting. A seesaw of hoping and getting disappointed.

I was depressed and didn't want to go out of the house. I didn't want to talk to anyone who knew about the pregnancy. I just couldn't deal with it. All I knew was that I had to just take it a day at a time. That there was surely going to be a day when the pain in my heart would fade.

Our OB finally told us that we should see an immunologist. She said it's a blessing that we get pregnant when we try. And it's just that my body seems to be treating the embryo as a foreign object and is rejecting it. Sometimes I think the years I've spent trying not to get pregnant has made my body so defensive, literally.

The doctor went on to say that the chances of having a healthy pregnancy are high.

That knowledge encouraged me. I was nearing wanting to slap (I'm sorry if that is so angry but that is really how I felt. I was so frustrated and terribly sad at losing another baby!) anyone who would say "oh just try again and let's see".

I poured my grief into online research. If what I suspect is right, what I have might be antiphospholipid antibody syndrome or APAS. Seems like when the body detects the embryo, the blood thickens and supply of nutrients to the placenta is blocked. This condition doesn't allow the pregnancy to continue.

Right now I'm still bleeding and will most likely miscarry in a few days (based on the timeline of my first miscarriage).

The immunologist will be back in two weeks and we'll see her and get tested. From what I've read, if I test positive for APAS, when I get pregnant again, I will have to be given low-dose aspirin, and maybe heparin injections, everyday, for the duration of the pregnancy. The goal is to thin the blood, to allow passage of nutrients into the placenta.

In an Oxford Journal online research paper, I read that women who were given the combination of aspirin and heparin stood a better chance at completing a healthy pregnancy. 76% compared to 64% for women given only aspirin or heparin and 46% for those given only aspirin.

It feels good to get into something with some knowledge about what can happen. It's also good to know that whatever happens, if it pleases the Lord to make us parents, or if it is not part of His plan for us, God plans for what is good and best for us.

I pray for grace to accept whatever that plan is.

Oh... for those of you curious to know... I also asked what causes APAS. It's not hereditary. It's actually quite common in this generation and they suspect that it's caused by stress, the environment and the food we eat. Toxins in the air and in what we put in the plants and animals we consume.

Abangan. Or in English, keep posted. I'll certainly share this exciting new journey.

11.11.09

Shoes, yoga and hair

Take a look at these Cesare Paciotti shoes:

photo borrowed from jakandjil.com

I've been seeing a lot of these studded heels lately but nothing has really made my heart skip a beat till this pair. I know when I absolutely love something (or someone) I feel nauseated just looking. If I had this pair, I'd wear them everyday. I don't think they're that hard to wear. Its sole has a slight wedge to it. I wish, I wish. :)

Haven't been running for more than a month now. Heeded C's request. Part of the baby-making preparations. Have gone back to swimming and last night, to yoga too. Woke up this morning much later than usual, the muscles all over my body sore and feeling great. Back muscles, arms, obliques, thighs, butt, everything's sore. Haha. Forgot what a deadly workout yoga is.

Now I need a haircut. My hair's past the bra line and that's not good. I need to convince my stylist to cut it shorter this time. Last time I went to him, he was so enamored with the length and the remaining curls that he just fixed up the layers and didn't touch the length. I'm getting bored with this style. Need to go a bit shorter and need to color soon. Red! :)

What are you up to today?

8.11.09

Lazy Sunday

We decided to stay home today because of my bum tummy. From pigging out the whole week.

Had late brunch and just read papers on the sofa while sipping tea.

Our lazy Sunday scenes:

Scout by the main door

Mint tea and Pinacolada tea

Ginger begging for a cookie

C reading the paper

Ginger and Scout napping

3.11.09

Money Matters Tuesday

Started the made-to-order stuff in July. It just started when my friend's mom asked me to make her a cocktail dress for a wedding she was going to attend. Then my friend had some dresses made.

At first I had to job out the production part as I didn't have a sewing machine yet and had no full-time sewer.

The sewing machine and sewer came in early August. Jobs have been continuous since then.

Today I sat down and started an Excel on jobs done by the sewer as well as payments I've made. Need to do that as I am not known for my math skills. Haha.

I hate "counting beans" but it's something any serious entrepreneur needs to do constantly. Otherwise you're going through your business days blindly. Accurate financial information helps you make informed choices and hopefully assures you that you are making some money. Haha.

On the homefront, I am currently fixating on asparagus and scouring online food mags for pasta recipes using asparagus. This after I had my week of arugula addiction.

2.11.09

Early Start on Christmas

There's a slight breeze as I'm writing this from our dining table. The window shade in the living area lifts ever so softly and settles back softly again. It's quiet in the compound today. Many of our neighbors are in the provinces for All Souls Day. I miss the sound of kids playing.

Been a long time since I wrote here. Was soooo busy with made-to-order stuff. Clients for dresses and tops have been steady since we started sometime July (thank You Lord!) and October was even busier because of a lot of weddings on the 25th. It was an auspicious date for the Chinese and we worked on a couple of gowns and cocktail dresses for people attending weddings on that day.

Was offered a job as editor for a fashion and lifestyle online mag. It's wonderful to be considered and for a few hours I seriously thought of trying out for the job. But after sleeping on it, I'm kinda inclined to decline. Tempting yes but I need to focus on my little sewing shop or else it will forever be a little sewing shop. :) But yes, it felt good to be considered.

I'm going to clean out our little storage space today and attempt to put up our Christmas decor. Christmas comes very early in the Philippines. Hahaha.

Hope you are well and happy.

5.10.09

Blue Skies by Noah and The Whale

Favorite song this week. Seems apt for after the storm.

Been away from blogging for a while. Been very busy and also got caught up in typhoon affairs.

Saturday evening I was fretting about leaks in our kitchen. The rest of the house was dry.

Sunday when we saw what had become of places in Pasig, Cainta, Marikina, Rizal and other places, I forgot about our kitchen leaks.

Here's hoping you are alright.

Blue skies today. Chime happy in the slight wind. Praying and hoping the weather will stay this way for a while.