Spicy Sandwich Maker

 

Mama, I made you a sandwich!

Wow! What kind?!

A spicy one. 

What's in it?

Sauce. 

What kind of sauce?

Tomato sauce. 

Hahahahaha!! Ang saya lang talaga. Thank You, Lord!

Sick Days and Little Hearts

 

Rafa hasn't been feeling well lately. Coughing and stuffy nose. Fitful sleep and lots of crying. As a result we haven't been sleeping well also. 

Last night after his Dada brushed his teeth, he went to me for some cuddle time. He said:

"I'm shooting hearts at you, Mama. The hearts become smaller and smaller until they can fit into your blood and the hearts go to where you need love."

 

For me, sick days are never easy. No matter how many times I've been there. The fever watch. The cranky and crying fits. Both us and Rafa. 😁

I'm grateful for God's help through days when we feel most inadequate. 

And grateful for sweet words when we need it most. ❤️

Dinosaur Age

We are now in the dinosaur age. Hahaha. 

Rafa is also learning how to read and write now. By God's grace, he seems to enjoy reading and writing, and a bit of adding and subtracting. 

He recently turned four. Praise God! I will write about that soon. 

I am so late with new technology but I just installed a new blog app and hopefully it will make posts more frequent. 

Thankful for those who still read this blog and those who've asked me to continue writing. 

Praying we will honor God in what we share here. 

God bless you! Have a good day!

The Reformation of Scar

Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Psalm 119:105 ESV

A few weeks ago we watched The Lion King with Rafa. He loved the movie and we felt he could relate to a lot of the messages of the movie. Suddenly he was even more affectionate towards C and obeyed right away. Yay! Haha. 

We could tell also how he disliked Scar, Simba's evil uncle.

Since watching The Lion King, Rafa has been obsessed with us being a pride of lions. Every morning, he would ask me, "Mama, are we a pride of lions?" "Mama, am I your lion cub?" "Mama, are you going to hunt today?"

Last night C noticed that Rafa had stationed one of his toy lions on top of an open page of his illustrated bible. 

C asked him what was going on. 

He then explained that that lion was Scar and that Scar was bad. He put Scar on top of the bible so that Scar could read God's Word and be changed by it. He said by reading God's Word, Scar could become good. 

He also added that God disciplines those whom He loves and that God will discipline Scar so Scar could be good. 

Hahaha. 

C explained to Rafa that Scar was a sinner like all of us, that's why he needs Jesus. And that if Scar believes and follows Jesus, Scar will be transformed through the Holy Spirit by the reading of His Word. 

We bring Rafa to Sunday School every Sunday. Yesterday he was able to sit through most of the teaching but he kept fidgeting and bugging his seat mate. I just kept praying that he would learn something. 

So it was a surprise and quite an encouragement when I learned of his little Scar scene. 

Part of the Sunday School lesson yesterday dealt with God's discipline. 

I'm so thankful that Rafa is learning about God more and more. 

It's also a reminder for me that even when he seems to not be paying attention, he actually is. My responsibility is to just keep praying and teaching. God will be the one to touch Rafa's heart. 

Thank You, Lord, for teaching us and loving us. May we be faithful in trusting and obeying.

Lolo Yoyong

My Lolo Yoyong went home to the Lord early Friday morning. He was 93. He was a very kind man. My Lola Crising went home ahead of him in 2012 and I just know they are having a grand reunion now. 

I will forever remember summers spent with them. Leaving their house in Cubao while it was still dark to go to the beach in Pagbilao, Quezon with other lolos and lolas, titos and titas and cousins crammed with us in a hired jeep. Trips to Quiapo to buy Excelente ham and toys. Calesa rides to their old house in Manila. Gallons upon gallons of ice cream consumed early morning to late at night. Eat-all-you-can fishballs from their suki. The funny yet pleasant sound of the pigs they raised in their backyard. The smell of Lolo's pomade and perfume. A trip to a radio station one late night because Lola just had to meet Giovanni Calvo, an AM radio talk show host that she loved listening to. 

Rescue and soothing from countless scrapes, big and small. 

They lived a very simple yet full life. They loved fiercely and unconditionally. I will forever be grateful that they were my grandparents. 

Giving at Two

It's been a really really long time.

I just had to post this because to me, this is really a major milestone. Well, there have been many major milestones but this one I don't ever want to forget.

While I was pregnant with Rafa, we prayed for specific traits for him. Fear and love of God, kindness, courage, love for country, intelligence and good looks. Hahaha.

The other night, I really thanked the Lord for giving Rafa a kind heart.

My parents came over for dinner. My mom gave him some snacks (she's his gluten-free snack supplier) and we allowed him to have some of the veggie loops after dinner. He loved them. After munching on a few handfuls, I told him he was eating the last batch and that he'd have them again the next day.

He looked at his bowl and saw just one last veggie loop. He picked it up and gave it to my mom. Without any prompting from any of us. I asked my mom to take it. She held it in her fingers and Rafa kept telling her to eat it.

"Eat it, Lola Susan! Eat it!"

We realized it was torture for him to see that last piece still in my mom's fingers. Too much torture that he had his hands covering his mouth and when my mom teased him with the last piece, he drooled. Hahahaha.

My mom asked him if he wanted it and he still kept saying "Eat it! Eat it!". Poor boy.

Finally my mom handed him back the last piece and he popped it into his mouth right away.

It was so heartwarming to see him decide to give away something so precious to him (we don't really give him a lot of snacks so these little treats are big things for him).

I pray for more of those moments in his life.

Sorry I'm a bit rusty. I don't know if this entry is making any sense at all. I just wanted to record it before I forget.

Will TRY to write more!!

#rafaattwo

Lullabies

I just put Rafa to sleep and as I was singing to him I got weepy. Definitely not hormones but a genuine mommy moment. 

At night I hum traditional hymns like Amazing Grace or Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus. But in the afternoons (now that our nanny has been away for more than a week and I'm in-charge of his naps), I sing the Beatles' I Will and a string of Carpenters songs (We've Only Just Begun seems appropriate too for a mom and child, no?) and Edelweiss. Please don't ask why. Haha. 

I think it's one of the most touching moments of my day. 

Little Traditions

 

C took this photo one Sunday morning. Rafa and I are praying here. 

Every morning, I sit him on my lap this way and we thank God for the good night's sleep and pray for protection and guidance for him throughout the day as he learns and plays and for guidance for me and his other caretakers as we care for and teach him. 

He really listens to the prayer and puts his hands together to say Amen at the end of the prayer. I hope he will remember these little moments when he's older.

I love you, Rafa. So much.

Made Me Smile Today

I love short features like this one. And I think everyone has something interesting to say, if only we take time to ask and listen.

Little Boy Treats

Rafa's at that stage where I can take him out on grocery and sewing supply runs without much trouble. He loves being out and he's easily entertained. It helps a lot too that he now eats whatever we eat. 

Today we spent the morning buying fabric and notions. We had pinakbet and rice for lunch and I had time to spare for a cup of coffee too! Imagine that. After lunch we bought some groceries (thank God for this cute car-cart!) and then headed home. We weren't out of the mall parking yet and he was already zonked out. I'm glad he enjoyed our day out and I'm soooo glad he's tired enough to nap. 

My dream come true: having mini dates with my child. :)

Waves

I don't know why I suddenly remembered Masbate tonight. Specifically that night time boat ride that we took from Masbate to Bicol. 

We went to Masbate to check on their water problem. We brought people from the ad agency who were going to make a fundraising mailer for us, on access to safe drinking water. 

That trip was one of the most memorable ones in my years with UNICEF. It was heart wrenching to see a severely dilapidated and horribly undermanned municipal hospital. There was only one doctor when we got there and he showed us makeshift beds composed of pieces of plywood atop office tables. It was so depressing. 

When a woman giving birth required more medical attention, they had to transport her to Bicol via banca. A couple hours of rough sea. 

That rough sea will forever be etched in my memory. 

It was night time and raining very hard as we crossed the sea to Bicol. I don't know why we were even out at sea that night but we were. Maybe we all really just wanted to get home so badly that we took that risk (an office vehicle awaited us in Bicol). Or maybe the weather was fair when we left Masbate. But why a night time boat ride, right? Anyway. 

So there we were on that long boat ride. It was raining so hard we could hardly hear one other. The waves were so huge there would be a few seconds of free fall before we landed hard on water again. I remember I had no life vest on as there wasn't enough and I knew how to swim while one of the agency girls didn't. I remember being scared and trying not to look scared. I remember worrying that the agency girls would be mad at us for putting them through such an ordeal. 

Then finally the boatmen sighted land. What a huge relief to see the port lights. I kept my eyes on those lights and felt hope slowly warming my heart. We were drenched to the bone but finally you could see smiles and feel a huge weight being lifted. 

I don't remember praying but I'm sure I did. I think I was having a dry season then in my walk. Otherwise I would've remembered praying and finding some relief there. What I do know for certain is that God was there in the midst of that rough sea, steering our boat and making sure we were safe. 

It's been many years since that night but I don't think I've ever thanked God enough for seeing us through. I feel so blessed I got to experience that. My life would be less rich had I not faced that rough sea. Thank You Lord for saving us and for reminding me constantly of that night and the many dangers seen and unseen that you have saved us from. 

Will To Love

Rafa will be 16 months at the end of the month. 

Just this weekend we observed some significant changes in his behavior. This Saturday I felt like a failure because I couldn't get him to have his teeth brushed. Shallow, I know. 

I'm realizing that I feel the fullness of love not in the cute or tender moments, but the times he is willful and won't let me put him down even if I oh so need to pee. Or when he insists to pretend drink from an old, crusty plastic cup, despite repeatedly being told no. 

Those moments are a test of will, also for me. A test of willingly loving him, despite the urge to get angry and just "letting him have it". 

I can't believe he's not even two! Hahaha!

Noise

Hi! How are you? I know I have been remiss in writing. I miss it too, but mommy duties are never ending, that's what I've discovered.

Rafa is now a year and three months old. Wow! Can you imagine that? He's able to walk well, run a bit, climb up and down the sofa (yikes!!!), say some words like car, 'ter (for water), there, dada, mama and he has also started doing more imaginative play. I hope I got the term right. But yes, he's starting to make a little world for himself. Lately he learned to give his pet animals some snacks and water. And has also taken to feeding me and his dada with bread. And yes, we take the bread from him and eat it. How could we not?

So anyway... I have finally found a bible study group and I really am thankful for it! Joined the group late last year and we've finished two study guide books by Beth Moore. The first one was on Daniel and the second one was on Esther. Both timely and very enriching.

We are on a sort of summer break so now we're studying with some videos by Rob Bell. It was my turn to facilitate today and the material was, I think, perfect for me.

The title of the material is Noise. It tackles the things that fill out our lives. The noise (audible and visual) that may hinder us from hearing God.

We're all constantly wired, connected. Constant SMS, updates on Facebook or Instagram, etc.

Personally I am so thankful that C and I decided not to get cable (although the recent epic Nadal-Djokovic match had us yearning for a sports channel). We get to spend more time talking and reading. And eating at the table properly. That, to me, is a huge luxury.

One thing I think that I'm also trying to work on is resisting the urge to document every special thing we encounter. Two weekends ago we were in Tagaytay and we had a wonderful view of pine trees and the incessant, beautiful sound of crickets at night. There was also of course the truly breathtaking view of Taal Volcano. C kept urging me to take a picture and I just refused. I told him I wanted to enjoy the view and not be disturbed by trying to get the right framing or angle or light.

Even with Rafa, I have missed documenting a lot of milestones and cute moments because I was busy savoring them just as they were happening. I regret not having a record sometimes but then I know I wouldn't have completely enjoyed those moments with him and I wouldn't have been completely present in those moments with him had I fiddled with my phone cam.

This week I pray for wisdom to discern what unnecessary noise I have in my life and the courage and discipline to take those out.

Happy first birthday, Rafa!

This will be short and probably not so coherent as we are in Singapore at the time of this writing and really exhausted from squeezing in so much in just four days. But I know I have to write something to mark this important day.

As I was putting Rafa to sleep tonight, I thought about how my love for him has increased (if that is even possible!) now that he is one. I am re-learning that love isn't steady and that it increases in intensity over time.

I am amazed at this because I probably feared my love and interest in Rafa would wane or settle into a comfortable plateau as the "novelty" of having a "new" child wore off. I'm saying this because I'm the type of person who gets all excited about a new toy, hobby, food or place, only to grow tired of it after a few weeks or months. I know... How can I compare Rafa to a toy?

It's difficult to explain so I won't. I just know that my love for this little boy has grown with him. And I am so thankful to God for trusting us to be his parents.

I am overjoyed and filled to the brim with love and gratitude.

----

Also, when I lay him down on the bed, he squirmed and crawled towards me and finally settled on my chest. I thought about how long it will be till he won't want to sleep on my chest anymore. And this got me reflecting on my own relationship with my Father in heaven. If I, a human parent, with so any flaws, so long for my son's affection and closeness, how much more does God long for me to draw near to Him?!

Oh what joy it must bring our Father when we His children draw near and love Him.

Bottled (blogged) moment

Rafa is just recovering from stomach flu (first time he's sick since he was born, and just shortly before he turns one at that!) and I know I should write about our experience with that but I just got so giddy with the goodness of the moment that I thought I'd write a quick note about it.

C and I were reading the Sunday paper and discussing an article on the Oscars (which will be tomorrow) and the merits of each nominee and it was just such a comfortable, engaged and happy moment. You know that feeling where something's happening and part of you is in that moment and part of you is like hovering above, observing? Well, that happens to me a lot (I know, weird, right?) and our Oscars moment just seemed so ordinary and yet so special. I knew at that precise moment that there was nowhere I would rather be and no one I would rather be with.

For that, I am thankful for, today.

Sad Days

Something sad happened recently.

Having Rafa has made me take sadness for granted. It's been a while since I've experienced disappointment. It's been a while since I've cried due to sadness.

I realize I am not exempt from sadness after all. Maybe it's hormones from weaning, maybe not. But I've just become extra sensitive lately and I cry at the least provocation.

Then I heard this song again today:



Been a while since I've listened to it. It was like an anthem for me when I was past the critical period of my pregnancy. Suddenly I could feel happiness bubbling up, seizing me and slowly permeating my body. I finally could allow myself to hope. To hope to be happy.

Maybe it's hormones but right now I feel an immense sadness that I can't seem to reach. I want to take it out and throw it away. But I can't find its roots and I can't pull everything out. Just when I think I'm okay, I tear up. 

I find comfort in knowing that the dog days are indeed over. It's just a little bump I've come to now and I'll get over it. I don't think there will ever be worse sadness than what I have gone through in the past. Maybe I just needed to be reminded of that SADNESS to put this sadness into better perspective.

  

How wonderful is this photo and the story that goes with it?!

Click on this to read the caption.

I still remember my wedding day like it was last week. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Applause-worthy day. I had no idea things would only get better and better, year after year. : )

President Cory, Salamat

Woke up early Saturday morning, the 1st of August. Mang Nado the patternmaker was coming to the house and I had to get ready. I got a slice of pineapple to eat in front of the TV while waiting for Mang Nado to arrive.

Turned TV on and forgot about the pineapple.

President Corazon C. Aquino had passed on at 3:18 am.

I woke C up. Usually that's a dangerous thing to do on a weekend morning. But he was up in a second and didn't growl nor show fangs. This was news we've been covering for a while.

I remember telling C that President Cory was "on schedule". I was referring to how her illness was progressing. The loss of appetite, the difficulty in breathing, the need for a breathing apparatus, the "stable" condition. My aunt had just recently passed away after over a year of battling with stomach cancer. Cory's 'progress' was awfully familiar.

I guess we all expected to hear of Cory's passing. But maybe we were also anticipating a miracle. After all, many miracles happened in Cory's time.

I was weepy the entire weekend. Even at a clothes fitting at the house of a friend, I couldn't help but sigh and weep as we watched on TV the coverage of the transfer of the remains from Heritage Park to La Salle Greenhills. It didn't help that when they took the casket out of the hearse, it was raining. Something about the solemnity of military honors done in the rain. Like a scene from a war movie.

I think a lot of people agree that President Cory wasn't perfect. She made some poor decisions too. But one thing we all have to agree on is that she loved this country deeply and did everything she could to serve it well, even after her presidency.

She was decent. She was humble. She sacrificed much.

On Saturday morning, I felt that the world was older and more tired.

I guess part of my youth had died with Cory. She came to power in a time when I was too young to know cynicism. My parents brought me to EDSA to witness history unfolding.

There was so much hope during that time. Hope that drove out fear. And it was a frail woman in yellow who inspired such hope.

Now that she is gone, what hope do we cling on to?

Perhaps the deep sadness we all feel now will lead to a renewed collective strength to hope again. This time in ourselves and what we can do individually and collectively.

We shouldn't wait for another Cory. There will never be one.

P.S. In a TV feature on Cory, a former presidential staff talked about how decent President Cory was, even in the small things. Her grandchildren would be playing in Malacanan and they'd ask: "Lola, is this candy ours or the government's?" The presidential staff went on to say that the grand kids knew that they couldn't use/get government property, not even a piece of candy.

If only most, if not all, public servants had even a fraction of this kind of decency and respect for the country they served.

Meeting with Manang

Having just had lunch, I'm wondering if the hot spanish sardines I just had is the cause of the butterflies in my tummy.

I am having an after-the-fact panic attack.

I just interviewed a prospective full time, work-in-my-home sewer. Manang. I can't even remember her name. She's probably in her 50s, a bit plump, with salt and pepper hair and a pleasant face. She loves iced tea. She had two glasses of them. One of them hers, the other the untouched glass of Ate Talen who introduced and brought her to me.

She asked to see the stuff I've had made. I showed her an assortment of skirts, dresses and a few sketches of new projects.

"Maganda," she remarks, lifting to see underneath a skirt, examining the lining.

"Maganda," she says again as she checks out my sketches.

I am worried she's just being polite.

"Kailangan po ba natin ng edging machine?" I ask her. We'll be shopping for equipment this weekend.

"Hindi na... I-valencia nalang natin."

I keep silent, praying my silence will mask the fact that I have no idea what she just said.

Ate Talen scrutinizes the lining again. "Kailangan ng edging machine ito. Hindi pwedeng zigzag lang."

"Hindi... I-va-valencia ko nalang yan. Malinis naman eh."

Me: silence. If it were night time, I would cue cricket sounds.

I know I am not skilled in the technical aspects of this craft. But I do know I have decent taste and know how things should look and feel, from the lining, the stitching and how a piece falls on someone and how they move in it.

I resist the urge to grab pen and paper (and further reveal what a novice I am) as Manang rattles off needle numbers I need to buy for our start-up operation. I memorize the numbers: 9, 11 and 14. As well as the thread brand: Moon and the size (yung one thousand meters).

Next week will be Manang's trial period. She lives nearby and has committed to come in after breakfast. I am excited and really praying things will work out.

For now, I need to calm down and accept the fact that I have much to learn. And be thankful for the chance to learn some more.

Rainy Tuesday

Been raining on-off since this morning.

There's run clinic tonight but all I want to do is stay home and sketch. Or get dressed, wear heels, put on eyeliner and check out books. In short, tinatamad. Murakami writes about being not in the mood to run, in What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. It happened to him after a really tough race.

The last race wasn't so tough but maybe it's the pressure I felt afterwards from my runmates. Everyone's cajoling me into joining 21K or 15K in the next race. And I've been chastised for only training twice a week.

But that's the run sched that fits my work sched. I'm not going to kill myself training. I don't want running to be a chore. And I am not just about running. I have work, reading to do, kitchen experiments, etc. Ah well.

I don't know if I'm just making excuses or if I'm listening to my body (and soul) correctly.