Rafa's nine months! Praise God!

Dear Rafa,

You are 9 months and a few hours old as I type this.

You are asleep now in your pack n play, wearing your yellow reusable nappy and your white sando. I love your pambahay clothes. You look so cute.

This morning I had to buy buttons for a project we are doing and I passed by a baking supply store and saw these super cute paper cupcake liners. I thought they would be perfect for the crayons we are putting on the tables for your dedication on Saturday.

Yes, we will be dedicating you to the Lord on Saturday. Frankly it feels like your first birthday party. We are so excited and so deeply thankful that God found us worthy to be your parents.

So anyway... back to the cupcake liners and crayons. You don't know what joy I had as I bought the boxes of crayons and the cupcake liners. These little things make it really sink in that I am a mom. And that I can throw parties for you! Haha.

Some of Dad's officemates will be taking pictures at the dedication so you can take a look at them someday and see how your dedication went.

Your Dad and I are so touched at the outpouring of love from so many people. I always joke that we almost never have to buy things because people just sometimes literally appear on our doorstep bearing gifts. Clothes, books, toys, baby furniture... We're kinda set, even for your potty training. Imagine that!

And for your dedication, so many people have graciously given their "services" for free! Lola Susan will provide the food. Tita Talna and Tito Joven are in charge of the music! Oh and what cool music we will have as the musicians are from the UP College of Music. They are cool dudes, Rafa. I think you'll want to hang out with them someday.

Even our video testimony was done for free! How amazing is that?! We thank the Lord for touching so many people and for all the love they shower you. 

You are dearly loved, my dear Rafa. I hope you know and feel that even now. 

Happy nine months, dearest. I love you so much.



Sad Days

Something sad happened recently.

Having Rafa has made me take sadness for granted. It's been a while since I've experienced disappointment. It's been a while since I've cried due to sadness.

I realize I am not exempt from sadness after all. Maybe it's hormones from weaning, maybe not. But I've just become extra sensitive lately and I cry at the least provocation.

Then I heard this song again today:

Been a while since I've listened to it. It was like an anthem for me when I was past the critical period of my pregnancy. Suddenly I could feel happiness bubbling up, seizing me and slowly permeating my body. I finally could allow myself to hope. To hope to be happy.

Maybe it's hormones but right now I feel an immense sadness that I can't seem to reach. I want to take it out and throw it away. But I can't find its roots and I can't pull everything out. Just when I think I'm okay, I tear up. 

I find comfort in knowing that the dog days are indeed over. It's just a little bump I've come to now and I'll get over it. I don't think there will ever be worse sadness than what I have gone through in the past. Maybe I just needed to be reminded of that SADNESS to put this sadness into better perspective.