In A Rut

I'm having a dry spell.

Nothing exciting seems to be happening lately and when I start to write about something, I am the first to roll my eyes at what I've written. BORING.

Maybe it's partly because my work is also sort of on hold. I'm having my work website redesigned and until it's done, I cannot launch my summer stuff.

I am so attached to my work. Not just because it helps pay the bills, but because it is something I absolutely love doing. There is nothing quite like the joy of receiving an email or text message from a customer saying they've just received their order and they love it to bits. The monetary rewards are really secondary. Really.

I hope the website gets up and running soon.

-o0o-

I got a message from my fairy godmother yesterday. She's a well-respected magazine editor and she's going to be moving to an online cityguide soon. She said I should write some articles for them.

She has always had more faith in me than I have in myself.

It's not that I'm insecure... I don't think I am. I'm just awfully shy.

In my work, I've been fortunate enough to appear on tv and in some fashion magazines. Those things always, always, always terrify me. To a point where I've decided to be more private and no longer show my face on tv nor print. Heck I can't even muster the courage to show my face in my own blog!

My fairy godmother always tells me that being shy is not becoming of an old fogie like me. That I should be more confident and if it helps, have a public persona that I can whip out when needed.

I've tried to follow her advise and have succeeded maybe a couple of times but I've slid back to old habits and feel so much better being unknown. Ah well.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

-- Kathleen Kelly on You've Got Mail

I know it's cheesy and so unoriginal but I can totally relate to those lines. Ah well, again.