One Place

“I could live like anybody else in one place. I could be happy and fulfilled, in one place…”
-- One Place, Everything But The Girl from the Worldwide album

I love Everything But The Girl and this particular song always puts me in a reflective mood. Oh wait… I’m always in a reflective mood. Hehe.

Heard this song one weekend afternoon as C and I were on our way home from a squid balls, kikiam and gulaman samalamig spree at UP. It was one of those moments I want to bottle up so I could go back to it again another day, to savor it once more. I felt happy to be going home. I felt happy with the settled life I have.

It was not this way a few years ago. Maybe five or six years ago, I wrote an essay for a creative writing class and these were my first paragraphs:

On a bus from Dumaguete in Negros Oriental to Kabankalan in Negros Occidental. The bus is pulling out of Dumaguete and I am looking at backyards and the city life I had grown familiar with in the three days I had spent there for work. I am surprised at the tears that start to fall. I am feeling heartbroken. Why am I crying? I am wishing the boy beside me will not notice my tears.

After a while I realize that I am scared. Scared to go home to Manila. And that bus ride was the first step I was taking in going home. Home, where my happy life was waiting to be resumed.

I pour out all of my grief in that long bus ride. And I savor all the sights, sounds and scents. Children playing in their backyards. The sweet smell of earth freshly harvested of sugarcane. The dull bass of the bus sound system blasting Bread songs.

I remember that time in my life a bit vaguely now. I was so restless and I felt I had not done all that I could do and I was married and scared of the looming possibility of getting even more tied down by children. I remember incessantly asking C to allow me to get a job in a cruise ship so I could cure my wanderlust. Hahaha! How crazy is that, right?

Instead of doing crazy things, I quit my job and put up Silly. A truly Silly thing to do, leaving a decent pay and awesome medical benefits. But taking that plunge surely cured my wanderlust and gave me a better sense of who I am and what I want in life. I am deeply grateful that I had the balls (and the patience of an oft silly husband) to make such a huge change in my life.

And five or so years after, I read that essay with much sympathy for that scared-out-of her-wits girl, trying to figure out her life. I don’t have everything figured out just yet. I doubt if I ever will. But I surely know I’ve got one heckuva good thing going here (and a great friend to experience it all with) and no cruise ship is going to be as exciting this. Eeeks… drama.

Snacking while pms-ing

I must be pms-ing because this little bag of joy made me walkout of TV time with C.

I'm a snacker. And I'm the type that fixates on a specific snack. I eat that snack for several days or weeks or months till it's almost coming out of my ears. I've fixated on broiled peanuts. On Eng Bee Tin's mongo hopia (a sweet, mung bean pastry, for non-Filipino readers of this blog, or for my cousin Charlie in Canada -- hehe). On Kettle Chips. On pancit (stir-fried noodles). On fresh langka (jackfruit). On double dutch ice cream and many more stuff.

Today in the grocery I found my next fixation: Oishi Caramel Popcorn. It just had to be Oishi. I had a choice between that or Kettle Korn's version but I've always loved the Oishi balance of sweet and salty.

I was set. I got a small bag of Cheetos Crunchy and ate that with C in the car going home. Salty food is a perfect prelude to the sweet snack.

I rushed through our dinner of chicken adobo and steamed okra (yummy!!! oh my!!! it was just so yummy!!!) and just quickly checked my email before settling in front of the TV to munch on the popcorn. I like saving the best for last.

When I got to the TV room, C was munching on indian mango so I dipped into that, cleansing my palate for the main event.

"Can you pass me my caramel popcorn, please?" I ask C.

"Huh?" he says to me, wide-eyed.

"The popcorn in the grocery bag," I remind him.

"Hee... Naubos ko na (I finished it off already)," he says sheepishly.

At this point I'm thinking he's trying to taunt me and when I make a sad face he'll whip out the popcorn and laugh at me.

"Ows? (Really?)"

"Yeah... Sorry!!! Sorry!!! I'll buy another tomorrow!"

I stare at the TV, eyes brimming with tears. Okay, I'm exaggerating about the tears!

"We'll buy tonight!" he says, pleading now.

I get up, drink a glass of water and leave the room.

Deep inside I'm laughing hysterically because he's really feeling so sorry, he'd actually go out of the house at this late hour to buy Oishi Caramel Popcorn! But deep inside too I feel so bad because I was really looking forward to munching on that snack. I had already envisioned myself just eating a bit and saving the rest for tomorrow. How weird is that, right?

Ah well. Some snacks are just not meant to be. :)

Sound Trip #8

First saw Katy Perry when she performed in American Idol. Took me a while to get used to her. Haha. But now I love her! She kinda looks like Emily Blunt, no? I love her "Vegas wedding dress" in the video. Enjoy! I'm off to meet a new patternmaker! Mang Nando, I hope you're good!

Happy weekend, everyone!

Cannes Photo: Pucker Up

photo by Loic Venance, AFP / Newscom

French actor and singer Johnny Hallyday and his wife Laeticia, at the Cannes Film Festival. What a lovely shot! I love it when the photo also captures the photographer/s taking the shot.

L'Heure D'Ete

I hope this shows here. I love movies like this. Relaxed and not in your face. Leaves you room to think while totally capturing your attention. That's possible, no? :)

Pure and Simple

I'm really loving the new packaging of Johnson & Johnson. Psychologically, the products seem to be so pure and simple, they've got nothing to hide. Unlike more complicated, "benefit"-laden products hiding in fancier, opaque packaging.

Working At Home

I've never been much of an office person. Even when I was working in an office setting, I would ask my boss if I could bring my laptop to the office pantry or to a Starbucks nearby. Working at an office desk the whole day just isn't for me.

Now that I'm back to working from home, I've resolved to kick some bad habits (sleeping and waking up late) and establish a more "professional" and efficient routine.

Here are some of the things I do to keep my work at home interesting, creative, organized and efficient:

1. Wake up at a set time everyday. I am not good at this yet. I have a 10-year old in me that loves to stay up as late as can be, just because she can. This makes me wake up so late too. But I'm instilling some discipline in that 10-year old and I'm trying to be in bed by 11pm. Even if I'm still reading a book by that time, at least I'm in bed and can doze off sooner than if I were in front of the TV watching some nonsense like World Poker Tour. Haha.

2. Have breakfast. No need to explain why. Enough has been written about the wisdom of not skipping that meal. In our household, we like to eat some fruit maybe 20 to 30 minutes before the main meal. This helps prep your tummy for the whole day's work.

3. Have a list of things you need to do. I have lists everywhere. On post-its, in my phone, in my pda. But I have a calendar on my computer where I keep a tally of the things that I need to do for the day/week/month. It helps me prioritize and also helps in de-cluttering my brain before I go to bed. Without lists, I'd be up all night anxious about the things that need to be done and worrying I will forget some of them.

4. Dress up for work. This one is something I really find so important. It just sets the tone for the entire day. I don't mean dressing up in a suit and heels. For me it's just taking the time to have a nice shower and wearing something that sets my mind on work and not on sleep. Haha. Sometimes I wear shorts and a tee. On other days when I need to feel more creative, I wear a cute skirt and a tank. I try to be green so I instead of turnig the a/c on, I use a fan. So dressing cool is important. I like to think of my work-at-home outfits as costumes. Depends really on my mood and what I want done that day.

5. Have a work area that you love. And work tools that you enjoy. I have a huge table that I had made three years ago. It's supposed to accommodate large pieces of fabric for when I need to cut stuff. Right now though it's filled to the brim with notebooks, paper and various containers full of pencils and pens. But I love my table and I love all the things I have on it. And it never fails to put me in a happy work mode. :)

6. Have a routine. I hate routine but I'm learning that having even just a very simple one is a big help in making my work day efficient. And when I'm efficient, I get my work done faster and earlier. So I can have time to do other things I like. A routine helps you prioritize things too and helps you not get sidetracked by timewasters like Facebook. Haha. :)

My routine if you'd like to know: upon waking up, I grab some fruit and eat that while reading a magazine or newspaper (to get the mind in a creative mode). Ideally, this would also be a perfect time to read God's word and pray. Sets things in the right perspective. :)

I then have my breakfast. Before I shower I open my mail just to see what needs to be answered, etc. I also open my calendar to check my things to do. Note that I just scan these things. No answering mails yet. While I shower, I think of my to-do list and determine what I'll do first.

After the shower I get to answering email, confirming orders, checking payments, etc. After doing those things, the rest of the day is ideally spent thinking of new designs, making graphics for announcements, updating inventory and dealing with home concerns too.

I check my mail maybe thrice a day. The next check is usually after lunch then in the evening before dinner. Which leads me to my last tip.

7. Log off. From Facebook. From yahoo or gmail. From the internet. I also put my phone on silent mode. I find that if I'm logged on the whole day, I won't get a lot of other stuff done (like designing new stuff, getting ideas from magazines, etc). How easy it is to succumb to checking what people are up to on Facebook if I'm on the computer the whole day. How easy to just browse fashion sites and drool. It's good for the soul and for the mind if we don't spend the whole day online.

I hope the routine makes sense. I'm also trying to improve on things. But right now, this routine works for me. :)

Hope these tips help you, if you're new at working from home or if you're thinking of shifting. Let me know what you think!

Grieving But Moving On

It's final. What we have is an anembryonic gestation or a blighted ovum.

We went for our 6th ultrasound (in one month!) and saw our OB today. I was better prepared to hear the diagnosis than C was. He was still very hopeful that the baby's just a shy one.

It's not something easy to deal with. I feel blank most of the time and find relief in watching tv and pigging out (had squid balls, fish balls, lucky me pancit canton, two bowls of ice cream and a bag of raisinets just this afternoon and tonight). Take me away from the tv and junk food and I get weepy. After all, we were on a rollercoaster ride for a whole month and then suddenly we got booted off the ride.

The doc says the good thing is we got pregnant without even trying. We also feel it's a blessing to have been given a "trial run" where we found out that we do want to have kids.

Thank you for all your prayers and kind words. I got weepy tonight reading messages from friends. Thank you and God bless you a hundredfold.

The Case of the Missing Baby

I didn't know how to write about this and I had no idea I could. Was quite depressed since Monday.

Monday's ultrasound didn't turn out so good. They couldn't find the fetal pole (that is what the baby is called in this stage of the pregnancy) and the OB says things aren't as positive as we'd like them to be. By this time, they should be able to see the fetal pole. Not seeing that means what I have is a blighted ovum, or a fertilized egg that stopped developing.

What a heartbreak. I almost broke down in the ultrasound room and finally did at the OB's office. So much so that they didn't charge me for that day's consultation and I got a hug from the OB's assistant.

Ironically, a blighted ovum is quite amazing, if you read about it. A blighted ovum is the result of the body's natural screening process. An error occurs in how a fertilized egg develops (can be the cells didn't split correctly, etc.) and it stops developing because it wouldn't be fit enough to result in a baby that can survive life outside the womb. Although the gestational sac and yolk sac develop (and the woman can have all the symptoms of pregnancy), it will be seen in an ultrasound as empty. Soon enough, the body expels the contents of the uterus as though the woman just got her period back.

Almost 50% of pregnancies end up in this condition but in most cases, it happens too early for the woman to even realize she had been pregnant.

I can write about this now calmly. I was a mess Monday and Tuesday. I have now come to accept and appreciate that God is in control and His plans are perfect. We will trust in His plans and schedule.

We will go for another ultrasound on Saturday or Monday. If they still don't find the fetal pole, then that's it. It's heartbreaking to write that last sentence. We had fallen in love with this baby, even when it was just a mere dot on the ultrasound screen.

Ah well... If things don't work out now, we can try again. The blessing about this whole experience is that we realized that we do want kids and we are ready for one.

Sound Trip #7

Was trying to nap this afternoon but couldn't. Starting to get bored with the long break. Decided to listen to a lazy afternoon playlist and rediscovered this song:



So very summer, don't you think?

Not much news from the baby factory. Waiting for my ultrasound (my fifth since March 26) on Monday, so the doctors can determine the "viability" of our pregnancy. Yes, that is exactly the term they use in the ultrasound report: viability of pregnancy. How clinical and oh so cold, right? Ah well.

I'm quite optimistic that this lil one is a tough one because she/he was there floating around in my uterus that morning I was huffing and puffing up the Buendia flyover for Condura 10K and she was fine after that. Hang in there, lil one! We can't wait to see you! :)

Here's another summery thing I'm sharing with you today. A photo by Australian photographer Narelle Autio. Borrowed from thevine(dot)com(dot)au. I'm kinda wishing I were diving into cool blue waters right now but for now I have to leave all the "underwater" cavorting to the lil one growing in my tummy.

Hard-nosed Pregnancy

As with all things I get into, I'm into my pregnancy, and everything about it, a hundred percent. This is highly evident in what I eat lately.

I don't think I have been this disciplined with my diet since... since... since... NEVER!!! Haha.

Went to the grocery and Healthy Options today to look for baby-friendly supplies. My heart broke when I saw the fat bags of Kettle Chips waiting to be taken home. I do not miss coffee at all but I pine after Kettle Chips. I had to turn my nose up at them today. I heard a whimper from the Lightly Salted line. Sorry guys.

A friend sent me two Swiss chocolate bars for my birthday and one of them is a raspberry chocolate, one of my favorites! Ack! It is still in the refrigerator untouched.

I am reduced to this tonight:




If the photo isn't clear, the bowl contains chilled singkamas or turnips. Ack!

Goodbye, Coffee, Goodbye

I never thought I'd say those words ever. Well, not until next year at least, according to our plans.

What will this mug hold, now that I am swearing off coffee for the next 9 months and 2 years (I plan to breastfeed up to 2 years)?


Taho? Hahaha! I can't even drink tea. The baby book doesn't advise drinking tea, especially green tea. Wow.

Just two weeks into knowing about our pregnancy and there have been so many changes in our lives.

Coffee
As early as the first faintly positive pregnancy kit, I quit coffee. Just like that. And I am really so surprised that I didn't even have any withdrawal symptoms. I used to get severe headaches when I didn't get my morning cup. But so far, no headaches and just a really teensy bit of craving once in a while. The doctor says one cup is okay but I don't think I'd want to even risk that.

Toiletries
I had to ditch (or pass to the dad-to-be) a lot of my toiletries: conditioner, body oil, facial wash, sunblock and pimple medicine. They contain a lot of ingredients that are harmful to the baby. Who would've thought? For added knowledge, check here.

Food
I've had to give up Kettle Chips (oh how difficult that one is!), chocolates and ice cream. No unnecessary sugar and salt. Although last night, I sipped maybe 1/4 can of Royal Tru Orange. It tasted insanely good! Nowadays, I stuff myself with fresh fruits like mangoes, papaya and pineapple. My meals always have leafy greens. Thank God we've always preferred brown rice.

Running
Oh running, oh running. Sniff, sniff. Last night will probably be my last slow jog. The doctor won't allow me to run. She said I should wait till my 10th week. I had to beg her (really pester her with so many text messages saying I'd go crazy if she didn't leave me with even one exercise I can do) to let me keep swimming. Finally she relented. Phew.

Aside from those things, and C's overly protective behavior, everything's just as if I weren't pregnant at all.

Oh but wait... The symptoms...

I thank God that I have not had any morning sickness. Please, Lord, let me be one of those girls who don't have those at all. Please.

What I do have are constant bouts with sleepiness. I really don't take naps even when I work from home. But lately I've had to fight the battle with snooze. I'd try to resist by taking a shower or eating something, but I just can't beat it. I'll pass out for a good 30 mins. Just like that. Haha.

I have severe and frequent hunger pangs too. Even if I had just had a meal maybe 30 mins to an hour before.

I don't think I crave any particular food, but I like savory food like pancit, adobo, and this grilled chicken burger at Charlie's. Yummy!

Lastly, I go around smelling like bico. Someone with three kids and no stretchmarks told me that what she put on her body during her pregnancy was good old fashioned coconut oil. So if you smell something like rice cake (or for Sandy in the run clinic, ulam), I'm so sorry, that's probably me. :)

From coffee to coconut oil. And taho. Haha.

Someone sent me a text when she found out I was pregnant. This is what she said:

Your heart is no longer your own.

So very true. :)

Expecting

Was away from blogging because something quite important and remarkable happened.

We got pregnant. Waaahhh!!! This DINK will no longer be that soon. If all things go well.

I write this with caution because this whole adventure didn't start out as smoothly and as joyfully as I would've wanted it to.

Flashback to last Monday, day after the Condura Run. I woke up at 630am to take a home pregnancy test because my period was delayed. The previous week I took two home tests which were both negative.

The test was negative again. I left the kit on the bathroom sink and went back to sleep. Around 10am I woke up and went to the bathroom to pee. From 630 to 10am, I had a really short but significant dream. In my dream, I saw two lines on the pregnancy kit. And I was so horrified I cursed "sh_t" under my breath.

At 10am, I check the strip and lo ang behold, there was a second faint but real line. Sh_t! Just as in my dream! Wow. I felt cold all over. I wasn't ready for that.

In the nine years we've been married, C and I have been very careful about not getting pregnant. We were planning to finally try next year. Why did we postpone for so long? It's difficult to explain. For one, we were happy just being a couple. We liked our routines, our activities. Next year was going to be the year we seriously consider having a baby. Next year.

So when I saw that faint second line, it felt like a wave had crashed over me. I felt I wasn't ready. I felt confused.

Some details are hazy now but I know one of the first things I did was google pregnancy tests and their accuracy and what a faint second line meant. I know that in the middle of all that panic I had told C who was extremely excited at the onset.

I bought another kit for using the next day. Tuesday morning, still the same result. Waaahhh!!! Tuesday afternoon, the same. Tuesday night I still went to the Nike Running Clinic in Ultra. But I told the coaches and was advised to take it easy. I did.

Wednesday afternoon I met up with my good friend who teaches English in Xavier. She was one of the first persons I had shared the news with. I knew she would understand how I felt because her first pregnancy also caught her by surprise and according to her, it was only in her fifth month when she finally grew to accept the situation.

My friend had a co-teacher who was also an Ob-Gyne so we decided to show him my collection of pregnancy kits. He said my results were ambivalent and the best way to really confirm was through a blood test or a beta hCG test.

I would've wanted to get the blood test done that very same day but chickened out and waited for C to be able to go with me for the test.

On Thursday we went to St. Luke's for the beta hCG test and my hCG level was above normal, meaning I was pregnant!

That evening we went for an ultrasound and they couldn't find anything. There was an existing myoma that I already knew of and an unknown mass outside the uterus which I had not been aware of till then. This got the doctors (and us) worried because they were dating my pregnancy to be at 7 weeks, based on the first day of my last menstrual period. By that time, they should be able to see the gestational sac in the uterus. Not finding anything in the uterus, and seeing that unknown mass outside the uterus, made them suspect I had an ectopic pregnancy (the embryo implanted in either the fallopian tube or cervix). Something they needed to operate on because no ectopic pregnancy could ever proceed normally.

It was such an emotional rollercoaster. We felt so bad. And we started worrying too about expenses. People were telling us that the surgery for ectopic pregnancies would cost more than what a birth by C-section would cost. How sad to spend so much and go home empty-handed.

By this time we had started telling our parents. We were trying to keep it to ourselves at first because we didn't want them to worry and we also didn't want to get "hysterical" reactions like frantic pray-overs. Don't get me wrong. I think pray-overs are good. Prayer is very important and we believe in prayer. I just don't like it when people become very emotional when praying over me. I prefer just simple, heartfelt and happy prayer. No gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair for me please. :)

Fortunately, there were no such hysterics from our families. They were all calm and just committed to praying with us during the wait.

Friday we went for another blood test in St. Luke's and then went to see a doctor in Cardinal. Recommended by my aunt who had a difficult pregnancy. My hCG level had doubled as expected if you are truly pregnant. They made me go through another ultrasound and they still couldn't find anything in the uterus.

You can't imagine the feeling of being poked around and being pricked by a needle so many times, and still have no idea what is wrong/or right with you. It was terrifying. I am so thankful that C was there beside me every step of the way. We'd laugh, we'd cry, we'd pray and eat our anxieties away. We had become fond of the pancit in St. Luke's Sweet Tomato Cafe. :)

The doctor in Cardinal told us to get another blood test and another ultrasound on Monday.

Monday, another blood test. Let me note that these blood tests are done at 630am so we can have my results by 11am, in time to see the doctor. We'd get up at 530am, wash up, get dressed, drive to St. Luke's, get the blood drawn and go home to get some more sleep before we headed back to the hospital again at 11am.

My hCG level had tripled, as expected still. The doctor in St. Luke's who was out of town when this whole thing had started was back. We set an appointment to meet her after I got my ultrasound results. At the ultrasound, the first doctor who examined me couldn't find anything again. This made me weepy but I bit my lip and held back the tears. She called a more serious doctor and I swear I want to go back and give that doctor in a yellow outfit a great big hug. She found something!!! She found a "gestational sac-like structure" in the uterus!!! :) Our first glimpse of our little one!

It's still too early to tell but when we met with our St. Luke's ob, she was quite confident that that was it. :) We will know for sure in two weeks because the embryo grows in millimeters only. But excited parents-to-be that we are, we are scheduled for another ultrasound this Saturday. We've become such veterans at this.

I forgot to mention, it was my birthday yesterday, Monday. My only prayer was to know. And God answered my prayer, even partly. It was such a special gift to see that gestational sac on my birthday. And to think the first doctor couldn't find anything at first. Our baby's a shy one, like her mom. :)

Will keep you posted as things progress. Keep us in your prayers.

In writing this entry, I took a nap twice and ate a big plate of fresh pineapples. I am thankful that so far I show no signs of the horrible morning sickness associated with the early stages of pregnancy. I am hoping I'm one of the fortunate ones who breeze through pregnancy. I rarely had menstrual cramps and I attributed it to eating healthy and exercising regularly. I hope that helps too in keeping morning sickness away.

Except for the more frequent (and severe) hunger pangs, bouts of sleepiness and really full boobs (hahaha!), I am perfectly fine. Thank God! It's wonderful having someone "tag along" in everything I do. I'm excited and no longer fearful of having kids.

Will leave now for Ultra for a really slow jog. C is very protective and insists that I just walk. But so many articles I've read say that if a pregnant woman has been running way long before she got pregnant, she can continue doing so (just not to the point of exhaustion) for as long as it is comfortable for her. And heck, I ran 10K before I knew I was pregnant!

I don't want to stop exercising. I think it will benefit me and the baby if I continue. I want my baby to fall in love with running too, when the time comes. :)

That's all for now from this preggers! Thanks for reading!

Condura Run Race Results

The results are out. Check them out here.

I just find it strange that my time is better in the race results list (56:58) than what I clocked when I was under the race clock (57:40). When do they record our times, when we cross the finish or when we enter the chute? Weird too that one of my run mates is lower on the list than me, when I saw her cross the finish ahead of me. Hmmm... I hope the race organizers correct the list before they publish on Sunday.

I'm just elated to be in the top 200 overall for 10K. Wow, never in my wildest dreams... :-)

Condura Run

I will never look at the Buendia flyover the same way again after today. Wow, dear flyover... you are somethin' else!

Did 10K (my second so far) and crossed the finish line at 57:40 on the race clock.

This is the hardest I've ever worked on a race, I think. And this is the first run where I've actually thought of walking, or worse, stopping. Several times. Several, several, several times.

C went for his first 21K and did it in 1:59:16. Woohoo! Congratulations!

-ooO00-

The 10K for me started out quite calmly. I was around five rows from the front of the pack, patiently waiting for gun start. Bumped into Charlie and was happily yapping about our friends who were in the 21K, when out of nowhere Coach Sarge appeared beside me and said, "sabayan kita".

"Naku wag po!" was my very worried reply. I don't like running alongside a coach because they tend to push you to death. I just wanted a happy run. I didn't want to work so hard, knowing I still have my very tight ITB to deal with.

But Coach was running bandit and had nothing better to do than hound me. So I agreed but told him I'd run at a really relaxed pace.

Then came gun start. Coach sprinted ahead of me and I was hoping I'd lose him. But no! He jogged back to where I was and told me to speed it up. This was how it was going to be the entire race. Coach sprinting ahead, chatting with the faster runners who were already on their way back in the opposite lane, and Coach slowing down to a jog to wait for me.

I'm proud to say that I only succumbed to the pressure from Coach at the first 1K. The rest of the way, I ran at my own, huffing-puffing pace. Because I knew I wasn't going to finish the race if I followed his very fast pace. At the finish, I was relieved for Coach's company and the pressure he exerted but more relieved that I stuck to my own pace despite the pressure.

I was terrified of the flyover. Going up for the first time, and descending on Buendia, I was already imagining the excruciating way back up after the 5K turnabout. To say that the way back on the flyover from Buendia was a killer is a major understatement. It took all of my willpower just to trudge on and not walk. Weird though was how the urge to walk would overcome me after I had reached the top of the incline. Why is that? Anyway.

When we reached the bottom of the flyover, Coach kept pushing me to speed it up as we were already in the last few kilometers. No matter how I wanted to follow, I just had no reserves left. I just kept to a slow and steady pace and kept telling myself to keep at it.

At the last 2K, I felt like walking again but just pushed some more. It's difficult to describe all the emotions and thoughts that went through me at the last stretch. I cannot understand how one can think of quitting when the finish was within view. But that was how I felt. I was so spent and really gasping for air.

It was only at the final 200m when I managed to double my pace, just to make sure I would finish before the clock hit 58. Phew.

That was the most difficult race I've ever joined. I don't know if I'll ever join another 10K involving the flyover. C says he's sure I'll be back. Maybe. For sweet revenge. Haha.

I'm so proud of C. It was tough for him too as his supply of Hammer Gel didn't make it to the race. He had no carbs to boost his energy when he hit the wall at 16K. When he crossed the finish line, his lips were pale. Haha. But still, finishing 21K is no joke. Congrats, C!

-ooO00-

Good race, overall. A devil of a race! Haha! The best part for me was the military brass band that played at the bottom of the flyover. And the water tank spraying water on runners who wanted to cool off after the race.

Now I think I deserve a tub of Double Dutch ice cream and a big bag of Kettle Chips New York Cheddar. :)

Kettle Chips

Hello my darlings!
That is what I whisper to the bags of Kettle Chips lined up in the grocery store whenever it's time to get my weekly ration.

I don't know where it started. I don't know when I tasted my first chip. Too bad. If I knew, that day would be celebrated like a family member's birthday.

Recession (and cellulite) not withstanding, I MUST HAVE (insert ferocious roar here) at least one large bag of Kettle Chips every week. I will scrimp on coffee, on pedicures, on main meals, but not on my weekly one bag of bliss. No way.

These are my favorites (arranged according to preference):




The good thing is they're healthy chips (yeah right!) and the Kettle Foods guys write good copy:

All Natural, No Stuff
No trans fats, no MSG, no artificial whatchamacallits. Who needs it when our obsession for potato perfection results in award-winning chips, naturally. Chips you’ll still respect in the morning.

Chips you'll still respect in the morning. I love that! :)

I took their What's Your Flavor Quiz and got this result:

New York Cheddar

I am Bold, Grown-up Cheese.

I'm a bold, big city person. Museums, theater, fine dining and cool shops... I can even appreciate performance art. I've got grown-up tastes but I'm not stuffy or stiff. I know how to have fun and I'm just as comfortable at a white linen-laid table as I am at the hot dog cart. I've got style. An individualist who isn't afraid to show my true colors or to stand out in a crowd.

Hehe. Cute. Kinda uncannily, potato chippy correct too! (Insert Twilight Zone music here)

this is not a paid advertisement! haha!

Running On

I don't know if that title sounds right. It's like a runny nose or a run-on sentence. Haha.

I've not been posting running logs lately. I haven't stopped running nor training. It's just that I've become less concerned with the numbers but more concerned with the quality of my runs and making sure I keep any injuries at bay.

I've been running since November last year and it feels much longer than that. My stiff knees in the morning when I go down the stairs are testament to how I've put my heart and soul into this. I know I'm hooked. For life.

I still keep a notebook running log just to record my mileage but I will stop blogging about each training day. Will save the online running log for race days and other milestones.

I think it's a fitting thing to do also because the Nike Running Clinic will be ending in April. There are talks of making us an official club but they haven't announced anything yet. Honestly I wish they'll organize us into a club or if they won't, I hope the guys I've been training with since November will want to continue meeting as a group so that we can train together. It's definitely much better to be in a group.

Next race for me is the Condura Run on Sunday. Doing 10K. C's doing his first half-marathon! Woohoo!

Recession Obsession

Do you think we are in recession?

I don't really know but since it's the current buzz word, I'm taking it seriously and adjusting my priorities, just in case. :)

I'm not sure if I'm a high-maintenance kind of girl. I like to think I'm not. C would probably say I am.

But I've always been a trouper and I can scale down when needed. A few weeks ago I even told C we can start a vegetable garden and eat our harvest! Haha. Okay... that's a bit too far out, I should say.

So anyway... early this year (and especially when I quit my part-time job), I decided to cut down on some of my spending:

1. Clothes -- When I was still working for this retail store, I couldn't resist the urge to buy the stuff we made. A friend even commented that we were like drug pushers buying our own drugs. Haha. Now if I want to update my wardrobe, I buy fabric and ask my sewer to make something for me. Not only do I save, I also get to test designs on myself and figure out if something is worth selling or not.

I have a closet (technically two closets as some of my clothes are in C's closet and others still are in another closet in the spare room) bursting with clothes, some of which I've had for years. I have two Rhett Eala pieces that are at least 10 years old! These are the stuff that have survived countless garage sales. They are my treasure pieces.

To update the pieces, I'd sometimes add little things like buttons or ribbons. Take this tank top that's enjoying its second summer with me.


It's kinda scooped too low and I used to fold and pin the shoulders straps so that it doesn't reveal too much cleavage. That got kinda boring so I decided to add thin, red grosgrain ribbons that serve to shorten the straps and also add a pop of color.

2. Grooming -- I believe in pedicures. Manicures, I don't need. They are a waste of money on me as a few minutes after leaving the salon, the polish on my fingers get chipped from too much fidgeting. But pedicures are a must, especially in summer when it's not only pretty to bare one's tootsies but also more comfortable!!

I used to have my pedicures done by just one girl whose name is Girlie (insert smile here). I would follow her to whichever salon she'd move to because most of the other pedicuristas I've tried were very sloppy or worse, did the pedicures oh so painfully. But those pedicures with Girlie would cost around P350. Add the P100 tip, that's almost P1,000 a month if I do it twice a month (the minimum).

Fortunately I found a small salon in one of the villages near Ultra that does decent and pain-free pedicures for only P100! And P50 tips are very much de rigueur. Whew!

3. Fitness -- I must say that running is one of the cheapest sports I've ever tried. One just needs to invest in a good pair of running shoes, a good sports bra for girls and running shorts. I choose to wear the free race singlets I've collected from races I've joined. I actually prefer them to dri-fit shirts.

What else have I cut down on? Hmmm... The fact that I'm finding it hard to continue the list means I'm either low maintenance or that I haven't really been cutting down! Hahaha!

5. Races -- I've been joining races with C since November last year and it came to a point where we'd be joining a race every Sunday. This year we decided to choose our races and limit them to only two per month. Not only do we save on race fees and the breakfast splurge post-race, we also get to do other stuff on Sundays, like sleep in!

6. Movies -- Like choosing races, we've also become choosy with the movies we watch on the big screen. If we don't think a particular film will really impact our lives, we won't watch it at all or maybe just wait till it comes out on DVD.

Six items! I think that's not a bad number. :) Six things I've learned to live without or have scaled down on. Six minor changes that will hopefully make us a bit more recession-resilient. :)

What do YOU cut down on?

an interesting follow-up post would be what don't i want to cut down on.... hahaha!

Eye Candy and Wise Decisions

Did I tell you we're looking at houses?

We are. Nothing serious yet but we are considering/hoping/dreaming of moving to a new home this year or next. We need to move closer to C's place of work and we've been in this house for a little over nine years. Would be nice to have a change.

If it were up to me and if I had the budget, I would get this Tord Boontje garland light and hang it in our new living room. It would be the first new thing I'd buy for the would-be new house.


I've been lusting for it since last year. I might even have reserved one in a shop somewhere. Hehe. But at almost 5K, C couldn't be convinced to buy it, practical guy that he is. I should just make one, he said. Haha. I wish I could!

I first saw it when my former boss and I were looking for accessories to decorate our new store space with. The garland light was hanging in a corner of the decor store and seeing it made my heart skip a beat.

Checking the price, I told her C would probably frown upon such purchase. She said it's like buying art. It's something you'll love for a long time, a well thought of piece, and not just some mass produced copy.

In these challenging times, buying a flimsy, whimsy light like this would be impractical. But wouldn't buying something cheap and fleeting be equally bad as well?

Personally, I've limited my shopping to almost zero*, choosing to having stuff made and wearing what I sell. If I do buy anything, it has to be something I know I will use for many years, fad-proof and well-made. I think that's a good guide.

Which brings me back to the Tord Boontje light. :)

*yes, this is correct! the only luxury i allow myself now are bags of Kettle Chips. :)

In A Rut

I'm having a dry spell.

Nothing exciting seems to be happening lately and when I start to write about something, I am the first to roll my eyes at what I've written. BORING.

Maybe it's partly because my work is also sort of on hold. I'm having my work website redesigned and until it's done, I cannot launch my summer stuff.

I am so attached to my work. Not just because it helps pay the bills, but because it is something I absolutely love doing. There is nothing quite like the joy of receiving an email or text message from a customer saying they've just received their order and they love it to bits. The monetary rewards are really secondary. Really.

I hope the website gets up and running soon.

-o0o-

I got a message from my fairy godmother yesterday. She's a well-respected magazine editor and she's going to be moving to an online cityguide soon. She said I should write some articles for them.

She has always had more faith in me than I have in myself.

It's not that I'm insecure... I don't think I am. I'm just awfully shy.

In my work, I've been fortunate enough to appear on tv and in some fashion magazines. Those things always, always, always terrify me. To a point where I've decided to be more private and no longer show my face on tv nor print. Heck I can't even muster the courage to show my face in my own blog!

My fairy godmother always tells me that being shy is not becoming of an old fogie like me. That I should be more confident and if it helps, have a public persona that I can whip out when needed.

I've tried to follow her advise and have succeeded maybe a couple of times but I've slid back to old habits and feel so much better being unknown. Ah well.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

-- Kathleen Kelly on You've Got Mail

I know it's cheesy and so unoriginal but I can totally relate to those lines. Ah well, again.