I didn't know how to write about this and I had no idea I could. Was quite depressed since Monday.
Monday's ultrasound didn't turn out so good. They couldn't find the fetal pole (that is what the baby is called in this stage of the pregnancy) and the OB says things aren't as positive as we'd like them to be. By this time, they should be able to see the fetal pole. Not seeing that means what I have is a blighted ovum, or a fertilized egg that stopped developing.
What a heartbreak. I almost broke down in the ultrasound room and finally did at the OB's office. So much so that they didn't charge me for that day's consultation and I got a hug from the OB's assistant.
Ironically, a blighted ovum is quite amazing, if you read about it. A blighted ovum is the result of the body's natural screening process. An error occurs in how a fertilized egg develops (can be the cells didn't split correctly, etc.) and it stops developing because it wouldn't be fit enough to result in a baby that can survive life outside the womb. Although the gestational sac and yolk sac develop (and the woman can have all the symptoms of pregnancy), it will be seen in an ultrasound as empty. Soon enough, the body expels the contents of the uterus as though the woman just got her period back.
Almost 50% of pregnancies end up in this condition but in most cases, it happens too early for the woman to even realize she had been pregnant.
I can write about this now calmly. I was a mess Monday and Tuesday. I have now come to accept and appreciate that God is in control and His plans are perfect. We will trust in His plans and schedule.
We will go for another ultrasound on Saturday or Monday. If they still don't find the fetal pole, then that's it. It's heartbreaking to write that last sentence. We had fallen in love with this baby, even when it was just a mere dot on the ultrasound screen.
Ah well... If things don't work out now, we can try again. The blessing about this whole experience is that we realized that we do want kids and we are ready for one.