Heartstrings

So sorry I have been so quiet.

I have finally succumbed to parental guilt. Haha. Every free time I get, I feel guilty spending it on things that don't concern Rafa. Uh-oh, right? I'm trying to figure out how to strike a balance. Let you know when I succeed. Don't hold your breath. Haha.

Anyway... Rafa has recently figured out how to use his charms to control us. When we're carrying him and he wants to go somewhere or touch something, he'll plant a big, wet and noisy kiss on our cheeks or mouths. Instant heartmelt.

A bit of news. One of my good friends and I decided to put up a little support group for women who have reproductive immune issues.

I know how helpful other women's advice was to me when I was going through my miscarriages. It helped so much to know that a lot of these women had gone on to have successful pregnancies. My friend and I just want to give back.

So if you're reading this and you want to share a story or maybe hear some stories, please do search Campfire Manila on Facebook. We'll be there for you.

xoxo

Our Journey To Rafa

Last Saturday, December 1, we dedicated Rafa to the Lord.

We had the dedication at the UP Church of the Risen Lord, the church and garden where C and I got married almost 13 years ago.

December 1 also happens to be our 17th anniversary as boyfriend-girlfriend.

We had our family and friends who were a big part of our journey these past three years.

We wish to give God all the glory and honor. For without Him, we wouldn't have this sweet little boy now. As C says in our video testimony, we wouldn't have come out of our four miscarriages not bitter had the Lord not held us through it all.

All glory and honor and praise be unto Jesus!

And to you, my dear blog reader, thank you for sharing in our journey. For reading, praying and sending in your encouragement. Thank you for being there. I pray that whatever situation you are in, that you will see and feel the loving presence of God in your life.

Thank you.

I read somewhere (or maybe it's a popular quote... I get confused a lot, post anesthesia) that happiness shared is doubled and sadness shared is halved.

Lately I've been getting some emails from readers of this blog, going through some sad experiences.

Thank you for sharing your stories with me. I hope it gives you some comfort to be able to talk about things with someone familiar with your pain.

Praying with and for you.

Rafael Vito is here!

Hello! I've been away from this blog for so long!

Right now Rafael is sleeping so I'm sneaking in some blogging time.

He is 4 months today! The bottom picture was taken just today. It is true, babies grow up so fast.

First of all, thank you for all your prayers and encouragement. Everyday C and I marvel at this little one the Lord has given us. Sometimes I still can't believe he is finally here and we can hold him, hug him and kiss him endlessly. Oh he loves being kissed! :) He is such a sweet baby.

Someday I will write about my birth story. C took a lot of pictures. But let me just say this. I had a 20-hour labor! Imagine that! But it was almost painless as I had an epidural. I know... Why, right? Well I had prepared (and paid good money) for a drug-free birth but my OB just wouldn't hear of it. She said I'd be too tired bearing with the contractions I'd have no energy to push.

So anyway... Four months on the job and I have learned one important thing. Don't judge. Moms, especially. We all make choices (to breastfeed or not, to co-sleep or not, to use a walker or not) and some are really tough choices and we just don't deserve judgment. We all try our best.

I'm happy to say I am still able to breastfeed Rafael. It was exclusive for three months and two weeks then I had to supplement as my supply was dipping drastically. I blame it on a dip in hormones, as evidenced by my amazing falling hair.

By the way... we named him Rafael Vito. Rafael or Rafa is one of God's names. It means God heals. Vito means life.

So what else can I share right now? Oh! He loves it when we walk and he's in his sling. I will post a picture of us in action one of these days.

He can grasp his rattle now and has also started taking steps. I know. How fast, right? He's a strong baby and he's been trying to stand as early as his first month I think. Our homeopath says it's because of the supplements I took while I was pregnant.

He loves conversations and gets cranky when no one talks to him. His poo smells bad now that he's taking formula. Haha.

That's about it for now. Oh! He loves it when I sing to him. Believe me. When I'm breastfeeding and I sing, he'll stop, unlatch and just look at me. Awww.. Someone thinks I sing well. Only person in the world who does. Hahaha.

Talk to you soon.

A Story To Tell

Kickstart

This morning I read this post on APAS. It made me think about our own story.

I've been meaning to write about it but couldn't. Not because I was being superstitious (don't write about it, or else you might jinx it). I just didn't have the words and my emotions were always so mixed up.

First trimester I was preoccupied with several tests and treatments for taming my natural killer cells. Plus I had nausea which made eating normally very difficult. I was a cliche, tolerating only things sour.

The first trimester was our longest wait. Each week was a miracle. Each ultrasound (I had them weekly the whole first trimester and maybe every two weeks afterwards), I would really struggle. I would have the most honest conversations with God in the hospital washroom. A lot of pleading and bargaining. At times I would be demanding and angry, remembering all the losses.

The first look at the ultrasound screen was the scariest. Those times I couldn't see the screen, I would look at C's face to see what emotion he'd have.

Each time we would see (and eventually hear) the baby's heartbeat, we would cry. We were a mess. And several times, so were the doctors who performed the scans. They knew us from my previous pregnancies and it was so touching to see them so emotionally involved too.

We spent so much on the tests, the treatments and the dinner and dessert that would follow in celebration of another week.

Natural Killer Cells

Our doctors had explained to us that the treatments would really vary from person to person and there was, unfortunately, no set formula. We had to play with mixing treatments and see what would work. The fourth loss was heartbreaking because it seemed we had done all we could and the doctors couldn't explain what went wrong.

This pregnancy, we added a new test called immunophenotyping. It measures, among other things, the natural killer cell activity.

We all have natural killer cells. And they are basically good cells. They attack viruses and cancer-causing cells. But best to check wikipedia for the definition as I may be wrong. All I know is that they are good cells. Except when they overreact and attack the embryo.

My immunophenotyping results (done soon as I found out I was pregnant) revealed high NK cell activity.

The immunologist then prescribed intralipids infusion. It's a soy-based product that they administer via an IV drip and it lowers NK cell activity.

Succeeding tests showed I was responding well to the infusions. We were so thankful that I did because had I not, we would've had to shell out more than P100,000 for IVIG, the older and usual treatment for high NK cells. Intralipids infusions are P10,000 per infusion. I had to have four (or five? I cannot recall now) from the first trimester to the second.

Add to that the weekly ultrasounds, lymphocyte immune therapy and nightly heparin shots. It was a miracle we had the provisions to pay for these things! C and I both agree though that when it comes to spending on your baby, the costs just don't matter anymore. We lost track of exactly how much we spent. Although C has a budget book we could always go back to someday just to marvel at how God saw us through!

I have to stop writing for now but will publish this as a first installment. It's quite a long story so be patient with me.

Just a quick update though. We are now close to 36 weeks and our doctor said she might induce me in week 37. So excited to see this little boy. He feels a whole lot bigger now and when he wiggles, sometimes it feels like he's about to burst through.

He still loves sounds, especially loud conversations and music. And we love him so. But the Lord loves him more.

Till next update!