Happiness Is...

... a carefree bike ride with your bestfriend.

Happy Monday everyone! Busy busy busy day and week for me! Here's praying for a great week for all of us! May the weather be fine and may we find time to exercise. Hahaha!

Photo from here.

Getting Back

Went for a swim yesterday. Finally.

Also went for a run last Monday.

I'm glad to be swimming and running again and realize that the worst thing one can do is to totally stop exercising. Exactly what I did when I was preparing for pregnancy number 3. I thought then that slowing down would also relax my body and cause it to accept the pregnancy better.

My new OB told me to resume exercising again. To go back to competition form if I wanted to. Because, according to her, my tactic of stopping didn't help anyway to keep the pregnancy.

So now I'm slowly trying to get back to form. And my oh my is it PAINFUL. If muscles could wail...

As I was doing laps in the pool, I realized how I used to be concerned with speed. Timing my runs and my swim laps, trying to be faster each time. Now I'm just focused on finishing. Haha. Feels good though not to be under pressure. I can just enjoy each stroke or each step and hear the water or the crickets.

Good to be back. Now if only the muscles would stop wailing...

Aging *Hopefully* Gracefully

Lately I've been feeling old. You know that feeling, right? Do you? I'm a few ticks shy of 40 *gasp* and I don't know if I'm aging gracefully at all.

Then I saw this hilarious post and felt better. Hahaha!

Am I the only one who secretly rejoices when she sees an actress who's gotten a bit chubby? Haha. That's how I feel when I see Ashley Judd. I'm glad she's put on some weight and seems more "realistic". Makes me feel normal.

But still, I'd love to lose some weight someday. After having kids maybe. C promised I can get a running coach after I give birth. When that time comes. Woohoo!

Legs

Love the legs on this model. Not skinny and boney as most models tend to have. The outfit looks cute too. Imagine the coat for rainy days. :)

Photo from here.

Remembering

I know we will never forget Jellybean. But I just want something to remember her/him by.

Initially I thought of getting a tattoo. But then C has to be convinced still. So I thought of getting a really nice big chime for the veranda. I had something in mind already but alas it has been sold out.

So unless I find a suitable chime, I just might take the plunge and get a tiny tattoo like this one.

What do you think? Come on, let me know. Don't be shy. :)

Photo from here. I love her blog and her style.

Saturday Picnic In UPD

Got pasta from Kiss The Cook.

Nero for C and Puttanesca for me.

Afterwards we went to Technohub to get a drink. We forgot to buy drinks for our picnic!!!

I love how they've left alone these mighty old trees.

Dive In!

Saw this today and thought how cool it would be to swim in a lap pool like this!

It's Monday and after staying up late for Wimbledon and World Cup, I have sore throat. C and I went for a massage last night and I think it backfired on me. I feel like bruised fruit. Haha.

Hope you are having a fine Monday and here's to a good week with lots of joy and pleasant surprises.

Photo from here.

July Inspiration

I love Miu Miu. Always have. Always will. I am such a huge fan of Miuccia Prada. It's like when I see a painting and I know almost certainly if it's a Van Gogh. I see a dress or a skirt and I am almost always sure when it's by Miuccia.

This photo is my desktop wallpaper right now. To remind me that quirky can still look polished.

Bag Lovin'

An aunt sent me this bag. I LOVE it to bits!!! It's made of soft leather and I can't wait for it to get old and weathered, like any good leather bag should.

C isn't too fond of the heart accessory but I love it. It's cheesy and it's me! :)

I Miss...

I saw this today and confirmed that I miss coffee. Pregnancy preparedness made me give up coffee. I miss it! I miss frothy cappuccino with a good sprinkling of cinnamon.

I miss being thin.

Which leads to missing fitting into my old clothes.

I miss running till I felt I was going to die.

Hmmmm... what else do I miss? Not much I guess if that's all I could come up with.

I'm willing to continue missing those things for a couple more months to a year if it means having a healthy pregnancy. And a baby in our arms at the end of it all.

Photo from here.

Pretty

We are going to make a dress for a young lady who is getting married in November. She'll be wearing the dress for her despedida de soltera aka bachelorette party.

We are soooo excited to make her dress.

Here are some of our design pegs. Ah, pretty... it never goes out of style.

Photos from here, here and here.

Here Comes The Rain Again

It's been raining so hard lately. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that a little hard rain makes me think of that day that Ondoy (international name Ketsana) came and flooded so many places and took so many lives. I pray we will be spared from something like that.

I got a call from an aunt this morning. She had heard about our last miscarriage and was offering help in finding a doctor to help us. I really appreciate how my family helps in times of trouble.

I just find it difficult to explain to people what our condition is. Most often we are referred to a fertility specialist. Maybe I'm just defensive but I always take pains to explain that we do get pregnant. Quite easily, if I may say so. It's the carrying to full-term that we have problems with.

It's that my body doesn't recognize tissue coming from C and so it treats the pregnancy as an infection and fights it. That's the simplest explanation. I wish the solution can be as simple.

Our new OB told us I might need to have daily heparin shots. We asked the immunologist over the weekend (when I got my 4th LIT shots) and she said we can have the shots once a day or twice a day, depending on the dosage that we get. We'll have to do it for the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Heparin is a blood thinner and from what I've read, it gets processed by the body easily and I guess get's peed out quickly, hence the need for the daily shots.

Whew. The road ahead...

Don't Hold Back

I'm excited to be a mom.

But worry too about a lot of things, one of them is if I'd change and become staid and boring, always wagging a finger at my kids (yes I'd love two please) and saying NO.

Read this today and thought I'd bookmark it to remind me and bring me back in case I get lost along the way.

Having a great weekend. Watched Knight and Day with C and really loved it. It's silly, funny and exciting. And Tom Cruise's smile. Awesome.

Breakfast Dates

I'm a sucker for breakfast dates. Even with just my book of the moment or a favorite hat or pair of earrings. Any excuse to have a relaxed, quiet breakfast. I love it most when it's a week day and everyone's gone rushing to office and the people I'm with at the breakfast place are retirees talking about packaged tours and Facebook (yes, them oldies have Facebook!).

Today I was on my way to the patternmaker at 615am. When I got back to the house, I just had time to eat a slice of mango then had to bring C to the train station. On the way back, I decided to sneak off to a date with this:

Max's Chicken Longganisa

I'm fond of Starbucks or McDonald's (yeouch!) for on-the-go breakfast but really... nothing beats our native chicken longganisa (Filipino sausage) and fried rice (with two eggs, not just one like in the picture) and proper cutlery. The longganisa has the right sweet and spicy taste and dipped in garlic-filled vinegar, it was perfect. Mmmmmm!

And it comes with coffeeeeee!!!! I know I've quit but once in a while there's just no escape. So I had a cup this morning and my oh my how de-caffeinated I've truly been. I felt so majorly AWAKE after that cup. And I felt like I could see better. Hahaha! I got home in less than 10 minutes. The car felt like Herbie.

Hope you are having a swell day. TGIF!

How Pretty Is This?!

Love the fabric, the nail polish, the rings... ahhhhh everything! I'm not a bow fan but yes, even the bow. It just ties the whole look together. ;-)

Picture from here.

(Still) Summer Days

Though it has started to rain (almost every afternoon in our area), most days it still feels like summer.

Some of the things I saw yesterday:

A reminder to me not to pass this route at lunch time. High school kids get off school and the next batch waits on the other side of the road. Takes forever to get through. But I love seeing kids in school. That's where they're supposed to be.

In between client meetings I had time for a swim. Look at that gorgeous sky! I turned two shades darker. Thank you, Mister Sun! :)

Christmas Moments

I had a Christmas moment in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf last night.

I don't know what led to it. Maybe the ethereal-ish song playing in the background was nearing a crescendo as I contemplated the pattern on the overhead lamps plus all the yellow lighting. It just felt like Christmas and I was so happy in that moment. A few seconds of unexpected bliss.

I'm quite sure you have those kinds of moments too. Perhaps when a plan falls into perfect place? Or when your haircut or hair color turns out better than you expected? Or when you put on a pair of pants and they're an inch or two loose? Or just when you can space out and stare at overhead lighting? Haha.

May those moments sneak up on us more often!

The Dog Days Are Over

My current favorite. Makes you want to get up and dance!

I'm Ready To Tell You About Jellybean

This is our family photo. C, me and our Jellybean.

This was taken on May 10 before we left the house to vote. We were very excited to vote. Very serious about it, wearing white (that's what you should've worn to signify that after all the election color wars, that day was for the country, regardless of the color you supported), folded sample ballot in pocket, umbrella and an ice pack for me to keep cool.

The lines to vote were very long. Our first automated elections and the election officers and the voters were still getting a hang of the new system.

If I recall correctly, it took me less than 30 minutes to vote.

Here I am outside the precinct, excited and happy to have used my pregnant woman pass.

Wearing a dress that would pass for a maternity dress, for emphasis. I even had my ultrasound report in my bag, in case they needed proof I was pregnant.

On May 15 we went for another ultrasound and saw Jellybean for the very first time. I was 7 weeks and 2 days. We cried.

C and I should've had a picture here together. Us three.

Here's C at the hospital cafeteria where we got a snack while waiting for the ultrasound printout.

We kept on tearing up as we looked at the video he took of Jellybean and her very strong heartbeat. 171bpm. Next to getting married to C, that moment when we saw Jellybean was the happiest in my life.

We found out we were pregnant on April 17 at 8:15 am.

We loved her and the thought of her. We talked to her many many many times during the day. I quit coffee. And chocolates. I switched to C's side of the bed so I could sleep on my left side. We sang to her. Wrote to her. We made a blog so we could write to her everyday. I used a special Van Gogh notebook that Gina bought for me from Paris to jot down letters to Jellybean when I was away from the computer (I almost never use a notebook unless I had a second piece to just keep for my collection) Ginger (our labrador) knew I was pregnant. She followed me around and almost never left my side. We loved Jellybean. So much.

But we lost her. On May 26 I went for an ultrasound because I thought I was bleeding. Only to find out that Jellybean had gone to heaven. Just two days after we saw her.

I am amazed that I haven't cried while writing this. I thought of what to say here as I was driving home from buying groceries. I felt weepy in the car. But now there are no more tears.

I keep thinking what I would be now if I didn't believe in heaven. What I'd be now if I didn't know Jesus. What I'd be now if I wasn't sure of heaven. What I'd be now if I wasn't sure that Jellybean is in heaven and that someday I will see her and hold her and hug her and tell her personally how much I love her. Okay that makes me cry. I know she knows we love her. We told her several times. And I've prayed many many many times to Jesus to tell her we love her and we would've wanted to see her and have her here. That is my only wish.

I have no regrets. I have no more bitterness. I was angry. Very very very angry. At our old doctor. At myself. At God. For several days. Weeks.

But I know God can take my anger. My disappointment. He never changes. His love and goodness and lovingkindness don't change. I know this. I am sure of this.

We miss Jellybean. We think about her often. We talk about her often.

Somewhere in those dark days, God made me realize that I had to move on and be happy. That I had to learn again to hope and be fearless. We owe this to the baby we will have again. We can't be detached. We can't be afraid. We have to learn to hope again and laugh again and have some innocence again for the next pregnancy. We owe it Jellybean and her sibling/s.

During those dark days I thought I wouldn't make it through. But God saw me through. I guess that's what I want to tell you.

And I wanted to tell you too about Jellybean. She was a good kid, our first baby.

Photo For Posterity

This is a newly constructed road that I pass through whenever I go to Mang Nado the patternmaker.

It must've been finished maybe just a month ago. Before it was truly finished, passing through this road felt like being on a road trip far from the city, with dogs and chickens and children playing casually, oblivious to traffic which consisted of me and the occasional tricycle.

The road is long (like a song) and wide and right now it looks fresh and clean. Soon enough it will be busy with a jeepney line plying the whole length then maybe in a few years there will be a Starbucks on it. Hahaha.

I woke up very early today to bring fabric for cutting to Mang Nado. It was so early C seemed upset. I don't know why but maybe he's not used to me being up and about before he was. Haha.

The road was almost empty and I thought I'd take pictures so that someday I'd be cool and have some old pictures to share on Facebook (or whatever time-waster we'd have then) of this road when it was young and traffic-(and Starbucks) free.

Morning Fix

Since quitting coffee, I had to find a new morning fix.

Good thing I found Caroline.

I get inspiration on what to wear from her wonderful site.

Love you, Caroline!

Photo from here.

Cool Change

College was a period of immense discovery for me. Adventures, heartaches, independence, bad haircuts and cool songs.

If I had an ipod back then, this song would've been one of the most played tracks. Anthem to getting over a heartbreak, getting a new haircut, going on a road trip, or just riding the bus with nowhere to go and nothing to do but look at old buildings.

Enjoy.

Pregnancy Adventure Update

Not pregnant this cycle.

We'll try for a December baby then. :)

I have a friend who's six weeks pregnant but who might also have a blighted ovum. How sad. I was so excited for her. And how distressing that having a blighted ovum is such a common occurrence. A friend who is also trying to conceive (through IUI or intra-uterine injections) just had her fourth IUI and still no success. She knows a lot of girls too who are unsuccessful at conceiving or having healthy pregnancies.

We were wondering why all these things are cropping up so frequently now. She was thinking... could it be cellphones? Because that's one technology that is so rampant and directly affecting this generation of mothers-to-be. Oh I don't know what to think anymore.

All I know is that we will try again to conceive this cycle and pray it's a healthy pregnancy. Not sure yet if we'll go for another round of LIT. I wish I didn't have to.

My friend told me that maybe I'm not willing to go through all the "hassles" because I don't want it that much. I think that's true. It would be nice to have kids. But I'm just not willing to put stuff in my body that may someday create problems for the kids I'll be having.

I get scared when pregnant women tell me about hormone injections and other stuff they are made to take so the pregnancy would hold up. I don't want that for my baby. I don't like anything forced. I'm more inclined to support the idea that a healthy pregnancy will thrive on its own, without much meddling from drugs and other whathaveyous.

So there.

P.S. Going for a perm today. That's one of the things I promised I'd do if I'm not pregnant this cycle. That and eat tuna sashimi. Haha.

The No Update Post

No update on the pregnancy adventure. We still don't know if this is Prego episode 3. I do hope we'll find out soon. I hate waiting. I'm okay to try again. No rush. Haha. Just want to know. Also, the getting pregnant bit seems to be the easy part for us. What's scarier is what happens after.

The blood test result isn't so encouraging. There's some change but not the level that'll make the immunologist tell us we're okay to try.

Honestly I'm getting tired of doing things to help the pregnancy along. You know what I mean? It just feels too forced and unnatural.

I do want to continue acupuncture because it's the only thing I'm doing now that feels good and that seems to relax me.


I wrote C an email a few minutes ago, encouraging him to relax about his big presentation tomorrow. He's still in the office now working on it. It's a really BIG thing because he'll be presenting to the head of Asia-Pacific. I think. So anyway, he's been working at this for many weeks. Working really hard. I told him that he has done his part and now it's time to leave room for God to work.

That's how I feel too about this trying-to-have-a-baby thing. I don't want to force it. I'm tired of helping it along. We've done what we should and it's time now to leave room for God to work the miracle.

Last Sunday we watched a late screening of Alice In Wonderland and when we were walking from the car to our house, I told C that it still is fun just being two. I wouldn't mind it if baby-making doesn't work. I just don't want to put all thought and effort into that one task anymore. Enough.

Time to leave room for God to work His miracle. Whether it's a plus one or just two.

Mc Macaron a Paris

Now at your neighborhood Paris Mc Cafe. How cool is that. Supplied by Laduree, so it should be good! Bon appetit, ma cheri!

Joni

The feel of this song kinda fits our weather here today. Sunny with scattered rainshowers. :)

Linen Lust

How beautiful is this set?!

Ink bed collection by John Robshaw.

My friend knows Mr. Robshaw and she says he studied for many years in India, learning about dyeing and fabric printing techniques. This guy knows his fabric. And he's a cutie too! I was kinda hoping my friend would end up with him. :) I'll settle for these bedroom linens anytime.

Ancient Of Days by Ron Kenoly

This speaks to my heart today. When I am reminded of how big God is, I am overwhelmed and humbled. I feel so overly blessed that He chose for me to believe in Him. Everything else is just a bonus.

A Year In The Life: 10 March

One of the first things we did when we moved in to this house 10 years ago was spray paint our bedroom windows for privacy and artsy. I love how the colors change brightness with the morning light to afternoon light.

Been soooo busy. Praying to find an affordable yet accessible space we can rent soon. We need to move the shop from our ground floor to a REAL space.

Oh I also had blood extracted last week. Results should be out this week. Hopefully acceptance levels have improved. My "classmate" in the LIT sessions is now in her 13th week and the immunologist said she can "graduate" from the therapy. We had the same unchanged results in our first blood test. But doc says everything's okay. So happy for her!

A Year In The Life: 5 March

Monstrous EDSA Friday traffic. Had to brave this yesterday. I usually bring a snack. I know some people who deal with this every morning and who eat their breakfast (rice!!!) and put on makeup in this S L O W crawl.

What's In My Basket

I snuck a trip to the mall this morning while waiting for covered buttons to be finished.

I bought these:

 

This exact combo: Lavender Shampoo and Rosemary Conditioner

 

Aloe Vera Deodorant Stick

Trying to clean out my daily toiletries again from stuff that have parabens and other baaaaddd ingredients. In case I'm pregnant or for when I get pregnant.

I haven't had time to blog. Used to be daily, no? Been swamped since the new sewer started and the only time I have to write is in the evening when work is done. But I've been told by the acupuncturist to sleep early!!! And I really should. So lately I've really been sleeping early and not having time to go online at night.

The only reason I'm still up and able to write here is because it was too damn warm tonight I just had to take a long shower. So now I'm drying my hair as I write here and catching up on my favorite fashion posts. 

Tomorrow morning I get to sneak in some pool time before I have to buy fabric, pickup C and go for blood extraction for LAT. Hope you are all having a swell week. 

Sheila, if you are reading this, I wish you guys a respite from the cold spell. Come and visit Manila and enjoy all this glorious summer sunshine! :D

A Year In The Life: 2 March

 

 

Busy, busy, busy. Happy, happy, happy. :)

Dealing With Stress

I am officially an ''employer". I'm a "boss" to two full-time sewers and a part-time patternmaker. And I'm scared witless.

I have to balance work and warm relations with two types of people. One is older, a bit slow, with a penchant for chatting and little breaks to put some smelly chinese paste on her aching legs. Hahaha. The other one is younger, up-at-the-crack-of-dawn-type, fast (a long-sleeves top in 2 hours) and all-work (you have to drag her away from the sewing machine at lunch time). Thank God the patternmaker is a middle-aged man with a steady personality and who works very fast.

I was so stressed this morning because I had to make sure I had work lined up for Sewer #2 while also considering a not-so-rush project for Sewer #1 to start on when she's done with a not-so-rush skirt she has been working on for three days. Hahaha. It's driving me insane.

Maybe I'm also just driving myself insane by focusing too much.

Here's how I dealt with the stress:

1. I prayed. As soon as I got back from the patternmaker, I plopped on the bed, closed my eyes and prayed. A lot of things are beyond my control. Sometimes the patternmaker can't finish everything on time. Or a fitting gets rescheduled. Or one of the sewers (or both) would have their own personal issues... It's good to lift things up to Him who sees the whole picture.

2. I had lunch. Haha. Cannot function well on an empty tummy.

3. I physically and mentally moved away from the issues bugging me. I checked Facebook. I checked Caroline's blog. I tweeted and then I wrote here. It helps me a lot to unfocus for a while because when I turn my attention back to the issues, they suddenly don't seem so overwhelming at all.

Now I'm back on track. With a little help from a cup of coffee. :) Hope you are having a wonderful day! It feels like Monday all over again! Hahaha!

The Hairdryer Ate My Hair

Yes the hairdryer ate my hair. The few times I treat myself to a blowout and I lose a clump of hair. Woe is me. Haha. The art of being clumsy.

There was that time at a store opening in Tagaytay. The store featured Christmas decor and there were so many people milling about and so little space. And so many cute little things to buy and bump into.

C was in the washroom when I dropped a box of spoons and forks. It fell to the floor in a loud thud. Thankfully the box didn't spill out its contents or else it would've been a thud and a splatter.

When C came out (and the box had been put back in its place and I had decided to just sit it out on a big sofa far from anything I might topple over), he told me that when he heard the loud thud, his immediate thought was that it was me. Hahaha. Talk about really knowing your spouse, eh?

I'm clumsy and absentminded enough that every time I step out of the car, C has to say "watch your head". Because, yes, we've lost count of the times I've bumped my head or bruised my shin as I'm getting out of the car. I also bump my head on the wall while leaning back in bed.

And how many times have I hit my forehead on a store glass window while leaning forward, totally mesmerized with merchandise on display. It's insane.

Haha. That's that for clumsy today.

The Row Video

It's been a really HECTIC start of the week!!! All because we have a new sewer! She is FAST! Now we can take on more jobs! I've been busy buying fabric and preparing sketches for client meetings next week. Soooo stoked!

Haven't been able to post A Year In The Life photos. Will do soon. Meantime, here's a toast to those days when you just can't decide what to wear!!!

P.S. I've finally decided to buy a new pair of jeans. Nothing fits but these old, tattered 501s and they make me look homeless. Talk about a distressing pair of distressed jeans. Hahaha.

P.P.S. A good friend invited me to go surfing this weekend. Her friend has a new surfing school. I sooo wanted to go and thought about it overnight. Although C says it's okay, I decided to do the responsible thing and pass up on it. Maybe in two weeks, if we're not pregnant yet by then. :) Surfing momma! Woot!

The Row by Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen

A Happy Weekend Indeed

I am sooo tired. Hahaha. And I'm so thankful it's not because of LIT. Thank You Lord for the break.

We started with patternmaking class this afternoon. Had to rush home after church because I'm taking the class with C's officemate. I really don't want to face this challenge alone.

So happy to learn something new but wow, talk about brain overheating. I could almost hear my brain sizzling with all the computations and spots to mark. But I'm definitely determined to learn this.

So very happy too that I got a morning text from a client who said she absolutely loves the dress we made for her. She's excited to go to this wedding because of the dress she'll be wearing. Awwww... That is the best thing to hear. :)

Also, Kim said her coat is finally right (after several revisions, sorry Kim!). I'm hoping she will really enjoy that coat. :)

Tomorrow I'm off to meet a client in the morning then acupuncture in the afternoon. Then patternmaking practice. Yay! Good end to a week and good start to another. Thank You Lord!

A Year In The Life: 20 and 21 February

For the first time in long, long time, we're having a relaxed, blood extraction and injection-free weekend. Thank You Lord!

A Year In The Life: 19 February

Need I say I more?

A Year In The Life: 18 February

Someone s(h)at here. Hehehe.

Our little veranda is a favorite spot of some really noisy and "show-off" birds. They wake us in the morning with their noisy chatter and what we call their "song showdown". You just know they're showing off because the song is long and complex and they seem to be taking turns at the mic! I recorded a solo performance one time on my phone but I need to figure out how to upload it here. It is amazing and such a blessing to hear.

A Year In The Life: 17 February

Do you see the three red dots on my forearm? Those are my latest lymphocyte immunotherapy (LIT) shots. The most painful of the three sessions I've had so far.

This morning just before I took a shower, I noticed some pain close to my underarm. I'm thinking it must be from the lymph node there. You notice every single thing when you are THIS focused on keeping healthy and fit for LIT.

My first thought was: "Yay, the injections must be working!"

I think I am hard-wired to always see the glass half-full.

I'm not saying I don't get sad or that I don't ever feel defeated. I wept a little this morning while chatting with a friend who also has the same immune issue as mine.

I guess I'm the type of person who falls into a pit of despair but manages to look up and see there's a way out, no matter how far up. I can't help but hope.

I think it's because I have seen God's faithfulness in my life and in the lives of so many people around me. I have 20 years of stories of God's goodness (I met the Lord in high school). I know it may be cheesy to a lot of people. But to me, this is what's true. For me, that is the only truth.

I'm terribly sad right now and finished half a bar of Toblerone this morning just to cheer up. But somehow through the haze of sadness I just know there is a good story to tell in the future. That's why I write about this, no matter how embarrassed I am sometimes.

That's just that today. Thank you for reading.

LIT and LAT Update

Seems we'll have to hold off on our baby-making plans for a few more weeks.

Lab emailed the results and they remain unchanged. Still negative reaction to other lymphocytes.

Sad? Yes of course. Hopeless? Not really.

C reasons we took the blood test only a week after our second LIT. Maybe the change doesn't manifest till later. We've had another LIT after the blood test so maybe that changed things a bit. We need another LAT.

But acupuncturist says go ahead already. Will show her the lab test results on Thursday and ask again.

Sad? Yes. Very. But thanking the Lord still for everything, setback included.